First, I would like to thank you for the consideration to at least read my request and hear my story. Even if you decide not to help me, I do appreciate the time you spent on me. It’s the time that we cannot get back. However, money does come for those who take the initiative to go and find it. This is where my problem begins……
You see, a few years ago, I met a man who seemed to be the perfect man. He was caring, loving, considerate, compassionate, I could go on forever about all of the wonderful qualities that he displayed the first few months of our relationship. I almost instantly fell head over heels in love with him. I thought, finally I found the man I would spend forever with. If I only knew then what was in store, I would have never even glanced in his direction.
We did everything together as I fell deeper in love everyday. But, before I knew it, things were not so happy anymore. Of course this happen after I’m was so in love that I would do anything to keep him. It started out with little things like the laundry not being done or dishes needed to be washed. He started having strange work hours and money would disappear without a trace. I could feel his dishonesty and manipulations almost to the point of making me ill. These things were merely small inconveniences in comparison to the love I felt for this man.
Maybe I should have mentioned that I am an empath. Let me explain this since so many confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is you feeling sorry for someone in their time of hardships. Empathy is actually feeling what someone feels as if it were your own emotion.
I could feel everything and these emotions grew stronger and more often than usual. He kept me in a state of disarray. He would do things to make me doubt myself. Little things at first, gradually introducing new ways of control so as to not let me know the deception at hand. Now this was very confusing seeing how I could feel these deceptions. He had a way of making me not stress about that and believe what he told me to be true. Of course whenever I believed otherwise he would use his Braun to bring me to submission. It became a nightmare before I had a chance to enjoy they honeymoon stage.
Whenever we would argue he would not allow me to leave his side. If I tried to run he would block the door, tackle me or catch me and drag me back. One time I got to the yard and he dug me back by my hair. He wouldn’t allow anyone to interfere. I should also mention he claimed to be a MMA fighter and he looked everybit the part. He could bring someone to submission with a just a glare. I however have never seen the first solid thing about him fighting ever. I barely knew much about it while we were together, I was always too scared to look.
On my birthday one year, we had plans to go fishing in a skiff boat. This is the only thing I wanted to do for my birthday. Our roommate was wanting to go eat a buffet. Well me being an empath, I really despise crowds. I told him thank you but I already had plans. Well those plans fell through the minute he left with my roommate at seven in the morning and I didn’t see them again until eight that evening. I was left with no phone, no food no cigarettes, and we were in the middle of the country. Talk about a terrible way to spend your birthday. When they came home and I was complaining about him leaving me it made him angry and he left again until the next day. His stay home at that point was only about an hour. Just long enough for us to argue and him leave again.
This is how the relationship was it was complete hell every minute of everyday. If he had a bad day I was definitely going to feel it. He torched me mentally constantly. I wasn’t able to go anywhere without him and if I wanted to go with him he would say things to make me stay. He would tell me that whoever was driving would not drive safe or tell me I had to get ready after he was ready and a minute later tell me I was talking too long so he would leave. I barely ever left the house and if I went somewhere without him he would never let me hear the end of it, even for trips to the store. I rarely had money he would only give me just enough for the absolute basics sometimes other times I would gave to go without. Those times without were the normal.
Everything I said to him about the things he did that I disliked he would turn around and say the same thing to me as if I had done these things. I would literally get done saying it as he was opening his mouth to say it to me. As if I didn’t say it first. He twisted words and situations around and made himself sound like the victim and made me out to be a monster. So not only did I get abused I was looked upon as if I was the abuser. I was hated among my peers because of his manipulations and lies. I couldn’t call my family because he would threaten me with my children or loved ones.
He was evil in these ways of mind control. I was merely a shell of my former independent, strong-willed, strong minded individualized self. I was now empty, confused, self doubting and scared. I tried to leave time after time.
It would take everything I had inside myself to get the courage to leave. Whenever I succeeded, I would jump at every sound or movement for weeks until he would find something to play on my emotions in order to get me back in his sight. As soon as I would see him I would be puty in his hands and he knew it.
One day he had started an argument that he would blame me for. It was one of the worst arguments we ever had. He began with his braun and started to choke me. I couldn’t breathe or talk, he was really trying to kill me. I got away somehow but he had choked me so badly he blackened my eye in the process. I went out of the room to where our roommate was in the kitchen. As I was facing our roommate he came up behind me and hit me and brusied the side of my face. I turned to him after he hit me and smiled but our roommate was there so h didn’t do anything else. I managed to escape that night and was hiding in the ditches everytime I seen lights. This was the last I ever really wanted to be around him that way again. He made me feel like he would kill me if I would stay and I wasn’t ready to die even though I would bet for death most of the time.
We dated off and on for almost a year after that but never really got back to the way we were. He was losing control over me and I was finding myself again. The more I found myself the farther out of my mind he went. I now live by myself in a one bedroom trailer in a well populated area. I have lived here for a few months with my mother’s help. I have been trying to adjust to being a normal member of society but I am not doing so well. I never knew the problems a person who has been abused has. Most of the time I don’t leave my house. I hide inside knowing I can’t get anything accomplished without leaving. I stress when the bills are coming due but can’t seem to make myself leave. I have been sitting in my house for over a week without power and still can’t even get the courage to go to a friend’s so I can at least shower. I have been taking cold showers instead. Now my rent is past due and my mother cannot help anymore. I am getting better everyday but not enough to make it yet. This is the why I’m an writing today. I know I’m not going to make it out on the streets it I can’t make it in my own home I just need a little more time to adjust and I have no options left. My power bill is $248.51 plus a reconnection fee and I’m not sure, but they are going to require an additional deposit to have it restored. My rent is $500.00 and it is almost time to pay it again. So for under $1500.00 you can help a healing woman survive for a little longer. Any and all donations will be greatly appreciated. Thank you again for taking your time to hear my story.