My Mama was not just my mother but my best friend. Although she had lived longer than some, her passing was devastating to my family and myself. She was our matriarch, our rock and the tie that bound us. Though the memory of her and her spirit will never leave us, her presence, her smile and warm embrace is definitely missed.
When my Mama became ill. I refused to put her in a assisted living facility or a nursing home. After all, she was my mother and had sacrificed and gave so much for my siblings and myself, I could never trust her care to anyone else. No one would care for her the way she deserved and the way I would. So I did. I made sure that she was comfortable and happy and smiling everyday. Before she became really sick, I would marvel at how she would pick out her clothes and get dressed and make sure her hair was looking just right even if it was just us two in the house.
Her final days were spent in lots of pain and discomfort and pain. Although, every day without her is a struggle, I can find comfort in the fact that she is in pain no more. There are many days when I begin to make plans or consider activities with her in mind, to only be reminded seconds later that she isn’t here anymore. Besides grief, the other struggle of loss is financial. She was HIV+, however that is not what she died of, but her status required her to have unique treatments that carry a hefty bill. The cost of her homegoing service also presented a hefty bill. As we shared a home and now her not being there I was forced to move to a new apartment that has turned out to be a big scam and a big headache – another bill. I am just trying to regroup and restructure my life that now doesn’t include Mama. Taking this opportunity to start afresh and to figure out who I am now that I no loner have her as my foremost priority. Between mourning my Mama, the bills and having to move again, things are becoming overwhelming and downright unbearable and all I want to do is be able to breathe again.
It’s hard, so very hard but I push forward every day and right now I am seeking some assistance in reducing the amount of bills that are remaining so that I can have a fighting chance at my life without my Mama. I am not one who normally reaches out for help but today I am humble enough to move in that direction so that I can forward. Thank you for reading my story. I;\’m sure you can understand my circumstance if not identify. I hope you find it in your heart to lend a hand up to a brighter future