It took many years night terrors irrational fear of the outside world as well as a team of professionals to help me through what was and will always be the most traumatic experience I pray to God no one else ever has to go through .
sadly the reality is ….someone somewhere right this very minute just like me are being starved beaten Raped and forced into a world where your body is sold degraded and no longer yours
your identity is now defined by those who you must obey
your captures who profit daily on destroying you from the inside out . the innocence of youth no longer exists in this world . what I had endured physically holds no baring on what I had to mentally endure witnessing innocent children tied up held down screaming for their mothers calling out for God to save them….these images are forever embedded in my head. I couldn’t help them ! Beautiful babies sold and traded
have two beautiful daughters how could I not help save those babies from that darkness ? This guilt is something I struggle with every minute of the day . I question myself maybe even a higher power greater than I…..why am I still here ? why was I saved ? What am I supposed to do now ? I’m just one person how can I alone help save innocent women and children being victimized exploited for financial gain
how can I stop these monsters who consider themselves “Buisness Men” from selling not only the bodies of victims but inevitably their souls too used abused drained until there is nothing left ….the few like me who make it out alive are only half alive always searching for the person they were before….I now use my pain as a catalyst to tell my story I use my sleepless nights to reach out to other victims who like me have post traumatic stress disorder Agoraphobia Panic Disorder and survivors guilt I try to reach out to those to comfort to help find resources for medication management psychiatric care rehabilitation centers homeless youth those who have no health insurance women who are still being targeted for testifying against their attacker
I worked along side the District attorney i was put on the stand told my story to the jurors my rapist was found guilty and sentenced to many years in prison some may think this a victory …perhaps . Aside from that what did i gain ? i had to retell all the gut wrenching details about what he did how he did it and all the tnings i saw happening to other hostages like me . I gained nothing from this. I’m still being searched for by him through paid off Men and women who do his bidding . I had to relocate several times in the past year my children are suffering just as much as I am they feel what I feel ….every mother knows that! they are so incredibly perceptive. mommy’s not okay ….mommy why are you sad ? mommy why do we have to leave our school again? mommy I’m late for school why are you still locked in the bathroom ?
because mommy is to scared to go outside ! the harsh but true reality of what i gained….after testifying the District attorney had no more use for me nor did I receive any assistance from programs swearing to rehabilitate victims like me instead I was revictimized by the system children protective services harassing me questioning my mental health my ability to care take for my beautiful daughters the shame of loosing everything due to financial hardship now living in a shelter all used against me by these government agencies that advertise their promise to help to assist to keep families together and safe the legal system is just as useless
so where do we go from here? I can cry about this all day long till I’m blue in the face but my cries seem to always fall upon deaf ears .
so my last resort is why I am now writing this for you to read and hopefully for whatever your reason help donate help me help myself to help others . the sad truth is that everything in this life revolves around the ol mighty dollar your credit score and investments what you own and what your selling .
so I ask you to please invest in me today instead of crypto or buying your 3rd car spend your cash on those who need it I stead of some franchise selling lipgloss for 27 $ a pop .
I like you love material things Iike you love money I like you want the finer things in life …so please don’t think I’m being arrogant . I’m just being as real as I can be . it was incredibly difficult to write this out for all you to read . It makes me feel weak .
I’m embarrassed to say I am struggling I need help but despite those uncomfortable feelings…here I am at your mercy and hoping somebody out there has enough compassion to help ….I’ve lost faith in humanity . I’m waiting for somebody to prove me wrong . Going from financial independence to being forced on social Security income living in a shelter which the county social services department take 80 percent of any and all earned income to sleep in a room with 8 other women with no provisions for food transportation children’s expenses or medical expenses THE AFTERMATH of surving what I survived is barely existing day to day the system is designed to keep you on this constant loop …never able to escape evolve build something better for your self your children it’s designed to keep you on a hamster wheel while everyone profits off your misery . Tax payers Hate us ….they think we are here getting a free ride. What they should do is take that tax money and fund straight to the source . You know ….women like me . Not uncle Sam with these respected institutions claiming to be for the people ….people need to be there for each other not rely on the middle man ….a bunch of empty suits . So for those reading who are fortunate enough to live life financially secure stop wasting that cash on b.s feed the children infomercials don’t be fooled by “IN GOD WE TRUST” engraved behind the heads of those who claim to uphold the law . It’s all twisted corrupt and the genuinely good hearted souls who donate who think people like Me benefit from their kindness ….we absolutely do not . So I urge you to please donate so I can get my life back my children can still have a chance at a fulfilled life instead of becoming the “product” stuck in system defined by circumstance.
thank you in advance for taking the time to read this . please stay safe protect your children . never underestimate the darkness in this world . what happened to me can happen to you . no matter your skin color religion sex age the neighborhood your in or how much you make a year …..Darkness doesn’t discriminate . Evil will prey on anyone it can . BE AWARE EDUCATE YOURSELF AND OTHERS .