Hello everyone, my name is Ryan. I am a single dad of 6-year-old twins. It has been just us since their mother took off in 2018. I have worked so hard to give them the life I dreamed of as a kid. But unfortunately, with the stress of life along with mental health disorders. Things kept falling apart, time and time again.
In late March of 2015, I met the mother of my children. I thought she was the most amazing woman in the world. She made me feel as if I was being spoiled, just by her being around. She made me feel like I was the only person that mattered to her. we spent every night at my house, just drinking and having sex for a month. Things seemed to be going well. Then Cinco De Mayo of 2015 she found out she was pregnant and planned on having an abortion. I was so excited about the idea of being a dad. that I did anything and everything I could think of, to talk her into having the baby. She finally agreed after I promised her that I would take care of her and the baby for the rest of their lives. SO now after a month of knowing each other, we were planning a family together. When we went to the first ultrasound appointment, we discovered we were having twins. This was a huge shocker to us both. But I was ready to handle my shit. I explained to her that it would be a good idea to move from New Hampshire to Florida because the price of living is a fraction of the price. So now we are in June 2015. We move to A small town in Florida. Staying at my uncles, with 5 other people. I immediately got a job cooking and started saving money for our own place. I worked 50 plus hours a week while she stayed home with my family. She didn’t get along with any of them. Every night when I got home, she would tell me all kind of lies about them. Trying to start fights between them and I. Which eventually worked. She gave birth in November. By then we had our own apartment, and I was doing roofing getting paid very well.
She wasn’t happy with Being the stay-at-home parent though and kept insisting that I quit my job and let her go to work. I fought her on it for quite a while nut I eventually gave in because I wanted her to be happy. She went to work as a waitress. Which didn’t even make 25% of what I was making weekly. But I made a financial plan that was very doable with her wages. Within 3 days of starting her job, she started coming home in the middle of the night drunk. lying about where she was. And this got progressively worse and worse. To the point she was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. she would be coming right out an admitting to me that she was sleeping with multiple people. She drilled it in my head that it was all my fault. that I caused everything she was doing. N as someone that suffered from anxiety and depression. I believed it. I put up with that behavior for months. Until The night she Tried to kill me. She strangled me multiple times. An ended up getting charged with felony domestic battery by strangulation. I got the charges dropped though.
We then moved back to New Hampshire without the kids. An I was homeless, needing money bad. I started selling drugs to support myself. It was a very lucrative business. And for a few months of that year, I thought I was the coolest man out there. Between 2016 and 2018 all I did was drink and do drugs with hundreds of people that I thought were my friends. Even taking felony charges for some of them. Then this lifestyle took a turn for the worse. I got addicted to Percocet. which withing a month turned into a heroin addiction. SO now to support my horrible drug habit I was selling heroin. The worst of the worst. by 2019 my life was a complete shit show. I had been arrested half a dozen times in the past few years, n even that was not enough to stop my drug habit. Then in April of 2019 I sold fentanyl to an undercover cop. Not once but twice. I found that out in July of 2019 when the showed up at my house with a warrant for my arrest.
I had been charged with 2 counts of sales and 1 count of possession with intent to distribute. But they let me out on bail and I went right back to getting high. In March 2020 I was federally indicted on all 3 charges. Really changing the possible outcome of the punishment. I continued to use drugs up until December 2020 when the us marshals finally had enough and revoked my supervised release. The court made me sit in county jail for 5 weeks. When they agreed to let me out if I went to rehab. Then followed that with a sober house.
Things started going really good for me when I left rehab. I got an amazing job at The Home Depot. They were very welcoming of my past and so willing to give me another chance. After only a few months at the sober house. they decided to make me a house manager. In June 2021 I was sentenced to 36 months of federal supervised release. Things were going so well at that time. I decided it was a good idea to go buy a brand-new car. Knowing I could barely afford to live without the extra payment. Soon after that I moved out of the sober house. The stress of life was building again. I decided alcohol would be my stress reliever. Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage my drinking and my life spiraled out of control way faster than I had ever experienced before. My probation officer ended up violating me and I was picked up by the us marshals in December 2021. After 3 days in jail, they let me out on bail. N I was court ordered not to drink. I was basically collapsing under the pressure of life at that point. And it led to me relapsing on heroin. I overdosed January 6th, 2022. Probation issued a warrant for me the next day. I found out about the warrant about a month later. Then willing surrendered to the marshals at the federal courthouse. I did a 90-day intensive rehabilitation program while in jail. Which taught me more about myself then any rehab I had been to before. I also got My high school diploma while I was in there. After 6 months in the county jail. The federal judge agreed to let me out on 24 months supervised release. so, I can further education as well as my recovery journey.
Now I’m back to sleeping on a different couch every night. I’m struggling to find work that will hire a felon. while also willing to work around my full-time school schedule. I’ve been out for almost 3 weeks n ow. And things don’t seem to be improving. I’m definitely keeping a positive outlook on what the future holds. But I’m at the point right now, that I am admitting to myself that I need help. I hope someone has taken the time to read my story. It took a lot for me to put this out there. But I’m truly glad I did. I appreciate any kind of help I receive.
Thank you Kindly
Ryan M
https://paypal.me/mooremoneymatters