Hi. Please help me.
I just turned 21 in May. I have no money. I have no job. I can’t work anymore.
I am diagnosed with spinal Scoliosis, along with PTSD, Anxiety, and Bipolar Disorder.
I worked in a warehouse but, 2 months ago I had to quit due to increasing physical pain, and declining mental, and overall health.
I can no longer work because:
- It’s to the point that I can’t sit or walk straight. I realized I walk funny. I feel pain all of the time even with painkillers. I’m getting a lot more random stabbing pains and I’ve also have been struggling pretty badly with bending and picking things up (like a thick stack of papers.) Most of my coworkers were 50 and above, and they look at me like I’m crazy every time I go to pick something up. I worked at a bindery warehouse so I was doing the same arm motions all day, everyday at a machine, without sitting down.
- I also quit before I could get fired for being useless. My boss hates me. I’m so incompetent there, and I was always dropping things, forgetting tasks, and completely zoning out.
- On that note, my daydreaming problem is getting dangerously worse. (Pacing-in-the-kitchen-not-remembering-why-I-was-there kind of worse. Thinking-in-place-of-sleeping-worse. Watching-but-not-watching a movie worse.) While working, half of my daydreams were bad ones. Full of me dying and violent accidents (as well as”accidents”) happening to me. And I’m not supposed to ignore those thoughts, especially since this is my first year living alone, and I had to discontinue therapy. (It’s not free either.) Since I quit, the day dreams are not so violent anymore. I feel less negative.
- BONUS: I had one of those “toxic” work places. Boss included, everyone is so spiteful to each other there. (Senior citizens have apparently been taking notes from Mean Girls, and I want nothing to do with it.) Someone saw me taking my medicine one morning and now that all whisper that I’m crazy. I stay to myself until I’m nearly flesh with the wall, and eat lunch in the back underneath a beehive but, I still go home feeling like trash, and everyone that is nice is “too nice,” and trying to touch me and whisper things to me. All of it is giving me nightmares and making me want to die. (I’m really not supposed to ignore that.)
I am currently waiting 5-6 months to hear if I’m accepted for SSI. However, most people are automatically rejected on the first time to control in-flowing traffic. So it could be more like 12 months. Or more depending on if I’m rejected a second or third time.
I don’t know what else to do. I own only $53. I’ve been breaking all of my medications in half, borrowing cash, and eating only chips and crackers to save money (which is hurting my stomach). I’m scared because I don’t know how I’m going to pay the rent, and I’m really, really scared to relapse from my medicines.
I would appreciate absolutely anything. It would mean the world for me right now. Whoever you are…Thank you, because you are a good person, and you are someone else’s last shot right now.
Honestly, thank you so much.