Where should I start… I had never thought that a day would come when I have to ask random people for money. But it seems that today is the day, so here it comes.
I still don’t know how I should start my story. But I assume I must state my case in a way that I can convince you that I’m not just interested in easy money, or have a fraudulent intent. That I believe I can, even though it can be hindered by my insufficient English skills, since it’s not my first language.
So, I’d like to ask for your patience as well as, hopefully, a desperatedly needed financial aid that I need.
I am a 41 years old man who has been working as a software engineer for the past 20 years. As such, you may imagine I have sufficient income and savings to avoid resorting to such a desperate measure. But while it is true that I’m still earning decently (in my country’s standard), I have no savings whatsoever but only debts and my income is utterly insufficient to provide a due installment.
The reason why I have fallen to this status is because of my parents. My family was not so bad off when I was young, but we were hit hard when a nation wide financial crisis happened in 1997 and my parents have never recovered from that.
So since the early 2000s, I have supported my parents with all my income. As a result, I’m still a single and living in a cheap rented room which is slightly larger than 3 square meters (or 32 square feet). With amount of money that I’ve given them, they should pay up all debts and make a decent living.
But they have quite a skewed notion of the priorities in life, and they are a bit obssessive of things like health and security too, so I suspect they have been using up all my money on things that I find have little to improving the quality of life or are even utterly useless.
But that’s not why I’m asking for a help now. It wouldn’t be fair to ask for money so my parents can squander it. Using all my income to support my parents despite of their unwise spending habit was my own decision, so I know there is no one but myself who is responsible for it.
You may have find it difficult to understand why I have allowed my parents to destroy my financial basis, especially if you are an westerner. In many Asian cultures, parents devote their own lives to give better opportunities for their children and in turn, their children are obliged to support them when they can no longer work. My parents have done more than what other people do in that regard, so I feel I owe them for what talents I have now.
However, I have tried to reason with them whenever I can. I talked, argued, beseeched, sometimes even threathened to make them more reasonable with their spendings (which is normally at least 3-4 times more than what I spend myself). But the conclusion I reached after all these failed attempts is that there is absolutely no way to change their mind without completely ruining my relationship with them, and subsequently destroying their lives.
I simply cannot do that. So I decided I should just keep providing them most of my income until I can hopefully, make a breakthrough in my career. It seemed to work, even though I had to live quite miserably for that, until recently. And now I will tell you why I’m asking you for a help after all these years.
As I said earlier, I had frequently asked them to cut down the expenses and apparently it seemed to work because they had been asking for less money for quite a while. But it turned out that they just felt too sorry to ask for more so they began to receive credit card loans. With my being the sole source of income for my family, it’s a recipe for a disaster of course, so now the debt has snowballed to an amount that I can’t possibly anymore.
So, now I am desperately trying to control the damage until I can reach a stable balance once more. I’m trying to cut down my own expenses further – my parents promised me to do the same, but that cannot be relied on – but any such measures would take some time to help me get back to a stable financial basis again.
It’ll need about $30,000 to pay up the credit card loans and I expect I may have a chance to do so in a 6-12 months timeframe. But from the next month on, I will have to pay the installment which will put me in an about $25,000 deficit.
I don’t fancy all my financial troubles would melt away as soon as I post this on internet, nor do I suppose online panhandling to be a long term solution for them. I just hope to get some aid while I try to weather this storm without having to irreparably damage my relationship with the parents, and without destroying their sense of self esteem which would make what remains of their lives a living hell. So, I earnestly ask you for what small help you can give for that purpose.
You may wonder why I don’t simply abadon my parents, or declare that I won’t help them anymore. Or some may ask me if I still find such a life – a 41 year old bachelor living in a 3 square meters box, with little hope for future – worth living.
I can’t say I have been a great child for my parents, except for providing them all the money I have. But still I can’t stand a thought of utterly destroying their lives because of me. From my experience of knowing them for the past 40 years, either going bankrupt and homeless or damaging their relationship with me would undoubtedly ruin their lives for good.
And even if I have an intention to cut down my financial support for them, I don’t believe this is the right time to do so because it won’t save them from going homeless anyway, while it may prevent me from going bankrupt.
As to the other ‘option’, well, I’m not usually suicidal despite all the gloomy tnings happening in my life. However, I have to confess that at this point, I can’t deny that sometimes a death seems to be a respite, when I feel totally exhausted from all such tnings that I have to bear. But an irony is that I can’t even take my own life because of my parents even though they are the cause of most of my troubles in my life, for it would mean devastating them both financially and emotionally at the same time. I don’t have a religion, but whatever state I would be after I die, I don’t think I can leave this life knowing what would happen when I’m gone.
I don’t have any extravagant dream, like becoming rich or powerful. I just want to have a chance to have a family of my own, and lead my own life before I it’s too late. I still believe I could be a good husband and a father to someone, and a positive contribution to the society if I can be given a chance. Many think I’m a multi-talented person, because I can program, design, play an instrument, or write convincing social or political commentaries.
I don’t intend to boast, but I just want to say that I believe I still have video games to create, or books and songs to write before I die, which would make me believe my life wasn’t totally wasted.
I didn’t know how to start writing this but somehow I did. Now I have little idea as to how I should end it – would this be enough to convince people that I’m not a lazy, or fraudulent person who wants some easy money? Have I painted myself to be an incompetent fool whose life is totally controlled by his parents? I don’t know…
But I can clearly see that I’ve already written a wall of text which should have undoubtedly tired anyone who is still reading this. So I will just stop it here.
So, thank you for reading all these. And if you decide to help me financially, I appreciate your kindness very much and please send it via: