Hello, I’m not quite sure what this page is exactly and if anyone would actually be willing to help me, but I’ve exhausted all options and I’m about to give up. So what have I got to lose by opening up and asking for help?
So three years ago, after always feeling like I didn’t belong here and stuck in a job that was making me depressed, I decided to pack a suitcase and book a one way ticket to Spain. I arrived there not knowing anyone and quickly built a life for myself over there. I had a good job that I enjoyed, great friends and I met the love of my life there. We had just started renting our first home together and my life was amazing. I was so happy I finally felt like I belonged I had a better lifestyle, ate healthy and lived by the beach went swimming every day. Me and my partner were together almost 24/7 and so happy there. However covid 19 hit in February 2020 and my whole world fell apart. I lost my job and couldn’t afford to pay my rent, my phone bill, we didn’t even have 1 cent for food. I used to sleep all day and all night just so that I wouldn’t be awake and feel hungry. I lost so much weight and became mentally and physically unwell. After struggling for months I finally told my family i was coming home. my mum paid for a ticket for me to return home and my partner went back to his home country. I then didn’t see him again for just under 2 years during the pandemic and it was the worst 2 years of my life.. I would do anything just to be able to marry him and spend every day with him again. I got a job here and saved as much as I could. I even STUPIDLY took out a bank loan as we were going to use this money to pay for a home and a car and set up a business in Spain and get married. However unfortunately my partner was involved in a motorcycle accident and had to have emergency surgery on his arm and that money that I had was used to cover his medical costs. All the stress from this situation caused me to have to leave my job as I couldn’t focus on work I was constantly a crying mess and this also made me have a severe ibs flare up that lasted a few months.
Now I have to repay this loan and pay for food and I currently have £9 in my bank account and I dont know what to do.
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of taking that loan but at the same time it was used to help my partner so I don’t regret it because we desperately needed it.
I just feel completely lost and desperately want to just get married even if its a cheap registry office wedding and go and live with my husband and be happy again. I’ve not had a good night’s sleep in 2 years I just feel drained. I’m not expecting anything to come from this post but if there is anyone out there that can help me in any way I would be eternally grateful.
If you have reached the end of this post thank you so much for taking the time to even read it. I’ve never opened up to anyone before so thank you.