I am a senior college student in my 20’s and I live with my dad. Unfortunately, it’s a very broken home and I live in poverty. I also have absolutely no emotional or financial support system (no friends or family who care). I make a 50-mile commute every day to my college in order to flea being from the environment at home. I beg other students every day to please “scan twice” in the cafeteria so that I can have a free meal.
The area I grew up and live in is extremely rural and there are no nearby jobs that pay well. I don’t mind working for any job, however… those jobs don’t help me break this negative and toxic mental and financial struggle.
On December 13, 2016, my mother passed away from congestive heart failure. All while my family and I were grieving…my father instead chose to cope with the grieving by abusing drugs. On top of that, he has resented his immediate family and children (me included) and rarely pays the electric and water bill anymore, and has made me start paying them in order to continue living here or else he tells us how much he hates me and having children was all my mom’s idea, not his and he only wanted to make her happy.
Now, every time I am home, he is either high, or has invited other complete, dangerous strangers in the home who also abuse drugs. Just recently, he allowed a drug dealer to camp outside in a tent right next to my bedroom.
I have previously been hospitalized for clinical depression. I have a hard time keeping a therapist because, (again the rural area), they are significantly underpaid and the turnover at that clinic is high. It’s so heartbreaking for me to share my story and develop a close relationship with therapists and they leave for a better opportunity and my case is always transferred…the new therapist doesn’t understand me personally and also many times there are gaps over a month until I am assigned a new therapist.
My college’s emergency protocols for students in my situation are all filled up. They do no have additional dorms to have me temporarily live for the remainder of the semester.
I pray that once I obtain my bachelor’s degree I can ASAP find a job with relocation assistance and leave this life behind me.
Sometimes I sleep in my car instead of coming home for the night and take showers and bathroom breaks at a local 24HR gym.
I have also tried developing close friendships and dating relationships, but once I share these details…it becomes too overwhelming for them to help me and they stop talking to me. I feel so alone.