In 2016 I was a father of 3 children (1 Girl 2 Boys) who had lived a healthy life. I coached my 2 boys baseball teams. I started not feeling well. I was coughing, started having difficulties breathing and lightheaded. After multiple doctor visits with tests, medicines and breathing treatments I kept getting worse and I was retaining water below my waist and I had difficulty walking. Trip to the hospital emergency room and I don’t know what was going on but I was diagnosed with systolic and diastolic congestive heart failure and pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in lungs). My heart function was at 25% which means that only 25% of the fluid going into my heart was being pumped out. The rest went backwards and caused the fluid back into my lungs causing the blood clots. The virus attacking my heart caused the walls of my heart to become weak. I had A-Fib so they had me wear a Life Vest (defibrillator) in case my heart stopped. Talk about a weight loss plan, I lost 50 pounds.I had trips in and out of the hospital due to complications, observe me as I started new medications and one for suicide watch ( talk about that later). I was constantly going to see doctors and have tests done. Wow how my life changed just like that. I would become out of breath just sitting there watching tv or reading a book. I struggled going for walks because I would get winded after a block. There were better days than others. Bills had been coming in and the money was not. I filed for disability. I was denied! I could not believe it. How am I supposed to make it? My father (72) came out of retirement and worked a part-time job to pay my rent. I was told that I needed a disability lawyer, so I got one. I had a hearing in front of a judge and the letter she sent was denied. Reasons: I can clean and fix meals, I go to dr appointments regularly, both my psychiatrist and psychologist were making up that I was suffering from depression. I had been seeing them since about 3-4 months after my heart failure. I was struggling not having money coming in, disconnect notices and car got repossessed. My children had friends who drove or their parents drove which helped out a lot but then my daughter became pregnant at 17. I love her and my granddaughter don’t get me wrong but the timing. uugggg!!. I was lying around and not eating or showering. That’s when I got psych help. I had dark thoughts and contemplated my life once to where a neighbor saw me at kitchen table and called help. I was given a suicide hotline number and I call them when I need someone to talk to. I have come to the understanding that I have a second chance at life. I want to live life like I am dying. We all should. We dont know if we’re going to be on this earth tomorrow. The things I’m looking for money for is a car. I have not met my granddaughter in person as my daughter moved to a different state, I have bills ( credit cards, utilities, cable) I have a laptop with Windows Vista and I called Google yesterday and the guy took a look into it and said he was surprised that this computer was still working. It was heavily damaged and he didnt know how much longer it would last. I don’t have a cell phone. Doctors still wont releases me to work but disability didn’t work out. I have a buddy that has been doing a work at home business. It sounds like it would be fun but it costs $4,000 to get everything up and running with the training. I havent had money to buy the essential stuff like plastic trash bags, cleaning products, air fresheners, roach and bug killer (I had never had bugs in my house ever) and there is other stuff. A pleasure would be to get to go see my StL Blues play a game in the Cup Finals this weekend or 6/9. I have been talking to a woman and talking we both came from abusive pasts. I really enjoy talking to her. We both agreed at the beginning that we’d be friends. We said we didn’t know if we were ready for a relationship. We talk everyday and I have told her that I like her a lot. She knows and she told me to be patient. She moved about 2 hours away and before she moved I had sent her some songs( If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks, I Think I Love You by Partridge Family, Perfect by Ed Sheeran and some others). I told her that I had to express my feelings because I don’t want to be sitting here later and regretting not letting her know how I feel. She’s been in the hospital and wont tell me why. She is home now and I want to be able to go there and take care of her. She has feelings for me but she told me to be patient, so I am. Please if you can help me with a lot or a little. My dad would be happy to retire again! Rent is $700/m. One thing I’d like to do when I get up and back on my feet is to look into starting an organization that will help people in situations like I am. People need money. they need help finding resources for things. You give to me and in return I will give back. Thank You!!!!!