First of all, I would like to thank anyone taking the time to read this. I know that everyone has a story, and sometimes it can be hard to choose who needs help. I hope that after reading this, at least one person will be able to help me get back on my feet.
January 3rd, 2018 began like any normal birthday. I woke up to my then-wife of 10 years, and started making plans for the day. She made me a lovely dinner and picked up my favorite cake. As I went to kiss her and say thank you, she pulled away. I asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Instantly, I could tell something was amiss.
After losing my appetite and convincing her to spill, she confessed that she had been talking to a sugar daddy on an online video game, who was interested in polyamory (something I’ve told her I was definitely not okay with). She said she was 100% sure she was done. I’ll admit, I cried and even threw up a little. Here I was, enjoying a meal I thought was made with love and not pity.
Over the next few weeks I pleaded and talked to her about options such as counseling, but it was too late. She agreed, but still kept talking to the guy in secret. She never had any intention of working through it.
Unfortunately at the time, we were stuck in a lease on a place it took both of us to afford until the end of July. She agreed to stay, but slept in the guest room and spent the time chatting away with her new beau. Jealousy and depression was an understatement. I was disgusted having to listen to that.
For the next few months we tried to come to an amicable agreement, but she kept moving the goalposts. The year before, she had returned her car that she was financing after filing bankruptcy and asked if we could share my SUV which was paid off. However, she eventually became possessive of the vehicle and requested that in the divorce. Needless to say, she won.
To make matters worse, she took all the assets that were actually good for quick cash value, leaving me with things of “value” on paper such as our mattress, but that depreciate quickly. I felt scammed. However, the nail in the coffin was her and her mother convincing the landlord to let her out early and evict me if I couldn’t make rent by myself . With the help of a pro bono attorney, I was able to extend the lease but was beginning to sink in debt.
So, only a year after becoming debt free again, I began to open credit cards to make up for what she covered. I also had to take a position that only offered 25 hours a week from home as I was without transportation. I saved and saved, but no dealer would approve me for even the most modest of vehicles.
In August, feeling defeated, I succumbed to depression. I attempted suicide and was found outside by a neighbor m. Fearing being locked up in an institution, I told the ER personnel that I merely took extra anxiety meds due to the stress but didn’t intentionally try to harm myself. They bought it the first time, but not the second I went in there.
At that point, my doctor convinced me that clinging to a house that was filled with 10 years of shared belongings, in her home state (I moved to be with her), wasn’t good for me. She said, “You can always get new stuff! I say get rid of everything, get your passport and go be with your family in Canada.” My sister in Canada agreed. She even said that she would hire me for her own daycare, sign off on my visa and help me settle. In the frame of mind I was in, I agreed.
Within a month, every material possession that I owned that didn’t fit into two suitcases was sold or donated and I was in Canada. Things were great for the first week. However, my sister failed to tell me that she was considering leaving her husband. Not only that, but she was talking to someone else too! It’s like she didn’t have any sympathy for what I just went through. Still, I bit my tongue and tried to make the best of it.
Little did I know that her husband knew, and had mentioned it when she was gone one time. When I told my sister that he knew, she got really defensive and ultimately insinuated that I must’ve been the one to say something. As if I would do anything to make a volatile and desperate situation in a foreign country any worse. Nevertheless, for the remainder of my visit she was aloof and spent most of her time holed up in her room talking to her new crush. And she also reneged on helping me.
Realizing that I couldn’t just go apply for jobs or places in Canada, I used the last of my savings to come back to the states and rent a room from a friend. While the situation here is stable, I’m stuck. I’m very far from public transportation, and many of my job offers are far away. Also, I don’t have ANY professional attire for an interview.
To end the year, my grandmother passed right before Thanksgiving which I spent alone, a new girl I was seeing cheated on me on Christmas, and my New Years plans fell through. 2018 has definitely been the worst year of my life, and right now I’m wishing nobody found me outside that summer night.
As of now, I have a few short term and a few long term goals.
1. Get some professional and casual worn attire. This is the hardest because I’m a big guy and 6’6” with size 16 feet. Just 8 articles of clothing to make 2 or 3 outfits is around $800+ in my size.
2. Find transportation.
3. Find a job.
4. Get a gym membership and supplies again (have lost 49 lbs this year, but would have lost more had I been fully focused).
1. Find my own apartment.
2. Pay off the $3000 or so of debt plus student loans.
3. Earn my masters in psychology and gain a new career.
4. Find a woman of God who values the sanctity of marriage.
I really don’t want to give up on life. I would like to believe that I can be someone useful to God and to society. But I just don’t know where to start. As I said, everything I own is in two bags. And while I’m thankful for the room I have, I don’t know how to move forward without the chicken or the egg, so to speak.
My birthday is tomorrow, and I’m really wanting this year to be better than the last. If anyone out there has it in their heart to help me become self-sufficient and get back on my feet again, I would cry tears of joy and feel my desperate prayers have been answered!
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Thank you, and Happy New Year!