So i never ever expected to find myself here and no doubt i am just sharing my problems that a million people before have done and it wont help me, but for the sake of everything that i love here goes.
18 months ago everything was great or so I thought. Then my wife, the love of my life for over 30 years told me she wasn’t happy and wanted us to split up. I was devastated. I went in to depression, somehow ended up with something called separation anxiety, where by basically i could not be away from her, so had to have therapy. I did everything to show her how much i loved her and then suddenly my world took another turn fir the worse and my Dad died from covid. Yes i know so many people lost family etc but it killed me. My Dad was my rock and now he was gone. I am so so ashamed to say that my Dad going actually had the horrible effect of my Wife reassessing our lives and my prayers were answered and she kindly gave me another chance.
Unfortunately all the problems had caused me to neglect work and i just became someone who just spiralled in to bother. Stupidly i tried to keep up a pretend life and borrowed money to keep things going. I borrowed lets say from the wring people and have just have had to accept the trouble i have gotten in to them. I am working now thankfully having a great therapist who i wont say cured my problems but helped me cope with them. But the debts have just gone in with these people taking almost everything so its turned in to a vicious circle. Now though i just am at the point of not being able to cope as they are now making serious threats and i am at the point of loosing everything again including my family because i do not want them to be effected so cowardly i am just thinking of ending it all. That’s probably the worse way to describe it saying cowardly when there are so many desperate people in the world but i just don’t know what to do. I have spoken to advise counselling group who have told me the pitfalls of reporting these people and which now has scarred me so much i just cant do it.
Unfortunately with loosing my rock i have no one to ask for help so stupidly here i am.
To be honest i am not expecting anything to help me but actually writing this does in a strange way help.
Again to be honest i am not sure what i am expecting here but who knows. I am not a bad man or i dint think i am, but I certainly have been a stupid one. I have always in my life tried to be a helpful person in-fact i am sure a lot of people would say i have been , but unfortunately now i have ruined things for my love ones. I am certainly not expecting help for free. I absolutely want to say that. I am a good man and i would if i ever got some help make this right in the future. As i said i know there are far more deserving people out there but with what i am thinking of doing what do i have to loose. I will say thank you to anyone who dies at least read this message because i really would be the most great full man in the world for any help i could get if this sort of thing does really happen.
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