I KNOW MY POST IS LONG AND IF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO YOU WILL FIND IT TO BE WORTH READING…I HOPE.
BUT IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE TIME AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME
PLEASE HELP HERE BELOW.
Hi. I’m Kayla. I am only 26 years old, and I am so tired of life as I know it. I’ve only ever really experienced life and everything I could imagine for it to feel living my best one, a few vague times.. what I mean is everything in my life seems like it’s but a dream. Yes, memories. But it’s like I’ve endured so much pain my entire life and learned to deal with it, cope, whatever. It’s been miserable and I wish I could easily disappear as much as I have wanted to kill myself so many times since I was young.. as a child I was diagnosed with dysthymia. I had it good growing up. I mean I was sheltered but I wasn’t abused.. maybe a bit mentally because my feelings then were related to how my parents interacted with me in life. But I have learned to understand more and more and completely with age that they did the best they knew how and I knew they both love me very much to this day. I am smart I started graphic and web design at age 11.. type of kid who got out of school for the summer and went back in fall skin pasty white because all I did was sit on my desktop. anyways in school teachers kind of turned me down and hurt my feelings a lot and before you know it 7th grade is when I quit caring. Completed freshman year because I was on a bracelet. I was misunderstood. I saw my friends graduate then I realized how much it meant to me and that I wanted to turn back time and go to school so I could be with them walking too.
I went to being homeless because I think I was so angry at my life and what it had become… I found a better one. So I thought. Anyway being homeless for 4 years and 2 of those 4 with my very abusive ex-boyfriend who almost killed me once. never been in a fight but I can remember begging him to stop because he was hurting me and I’ve never been so scared in my life. Well actually I have but that time was different. Physical abuse is abuse though right… no matter how extreme one situation seemed from the next or its period, it is what it is and it was wrong. I finally left him one day I just left all my belongings and decided to never go back. My city had just built a hard rock and it was the one place open 24 hours and I made it my home and even a security guard became such good friends with me, (just by him meeting me and knowing me from my being there and him working) he gave me a key to his apartment because he wasn’t going to be there for a month or two. I’ve always been blessed with some sort of interested people who do want to help me. I met my current boyfriend while I was there and it’d been a few months since I had left my ex. I know I went back to my ex one time because I was so tired. I just wanted to go “home”
Well, I met my boyfriend now there and we are in our second house now, our first house was his actually and new to him and we were there about a year and our landlord didn’t agree with my boyfriend’s “spontaneous” attitude. He didn’t ask to do things when he knew our landlord said he must approve. So that’s understandable. We lived in a Motel for all of the summer until my boyfriend went to jail to serve time on a drive while barred. 2 months. and I luckily ran into one of my good friends Skylar who had in the past helped me before. Well, Vince(my boyfriend) got out of jail and came to live with me there. We rented from Skylar and Vince got to be best buds with his dad. His dad had another property. This is where my need for help comes in… we have been here since August of 2021. Vince was buying the house and had to put his downpayment. Well, let me explain, he is very irresponsible. And I am positive he doesn’t care about me the way I deserve or wish he did. Judging by how he treats me leaves me out of things, and is entitled to everything but when I need anything that might cost him a couple of dollars regardless if I just did the same for him it’s too much to ask for. Well, he completely screwed us over with our house. His friend is serving a prison sentence and owns the house with his brother. His brother lives in California. Vince was supposed to have 10k down. He just let me down. and I sit in this house and ignore my landlord (calling from prisons) calls because I am a coward. But Vince was a coward first. and a bunch of times before where I guess he had plans and had said things to our landlord that kept him going along with what he was saying and he just never followed through. Our landlord is upset and we are going to be homeless. Buying is “out of the question” although I don’t know if it would be or not if we had the funds and gave him it to make the deal done.
Since I have been in contact with my landlord he has been willing to work with me because I answer his calls.
and yeah rent is 650 he wanted 2 months’ rent now (now as in like a week ago)
well, I can’t come up with money like that, and I took on responsibility well just thinking I can’t lose this place or my dog he is less than a year old or my life.. this was supposed to be good for me. and I just feel like my whole life is getting torn from me again and I want to be successful I have been trying and I have been using resources to get into the here and now the year 2022 graphic design online community… produced my first not it’s not quite done yet if you don’t know what it is… look it up.
I’m real as can be and just don’t know if I’m going to make it but I know my mom and little brother need me here. I know my mom can’t live without me.. she can’t take any more loss. This reminds me to share my grandma is the first and only person close to me I have ever lost. I lost her in 2019 she was in Miami Florida.
She was murdered. The man, she was previously married to but she divorced when I was 13 because when I was in a children’s home facility I shared a secret with the group and they mandatory reported it. Nothing came of it for him but my grandma left him. She was a Christian faith woman and it was hard for her to get a divorce but she did. She knew he was wrong. He was an alcoholic and he went to teen challenge and convinced her that he changed and he wanted her to move to Florida. Grandma hated the winter and cold and dreamed of being there. She moved and the next thing I know I’m answering the door at Vince and my first home to family members I didn’t have a clue how they knew where I was living with my mother on their phone on speaker to walk me through everything that happened. He murdered her and stayed in the apartment with her for 11 days. They sent her to us in a box and I had to help with court proceedings they told us we would have a part in it and a chance to be there. I helped them move everything along because my mom wasn’t mentally capable of handling it. a couple of months ago they called me and told me he was sentenced to 20 years,.. so time served and whatnot you do the math 40% mandatory.. my mom still doesn’t know. I can’t tell her because I’m still so pissed and they told me there’s nothing I can do about it. But they never said they would sentence him without us being a part of that.
So anyway I’m Kayla, I’m 26, I’m below poverty level, smart, ambitious, currently reliable on my unreliable boyfriend who doesn’t like to share any sort of wealth for some reason… not that he is wealthy I just haven’t ever met anyone like him. I think I’m in a mess and I really know I deserve to have my issues carried away and time for myself to relax with no stress and think I’m going to be ok. I have been saying that my whole life and it’s just tiring. I need to rent my landlord called from prison again as we speak has called me 10 times today and yesterday. I don’t want to answer because I don’t know where Vince, my boyfriend is I also don’t want to call him because he is bad for me. He has cheated and probably is cheating and he cheated us out of our home and life and whatever he’s doing is more important and yeah hey landlord I don’t have the money. I had $400 of it and Vince took it from me. I hope this makes sense and someone wants to help me. I’ve needed help I just can’t ever take the time and sit here and talk about it because if you don’t know it’s harder than it seems to just ask…. for help.
Thank you and God bless anything that helps I will share some photos and my PayPal. It’s this or Publishers Clearing House and who knows if or when they will come knocking… I’ve been playing their sweepstakes and I have gone through the emotions of how it would feel if they came to me one day awarding me with one of those super prizes.. literally bring me to tears… it’d be the start of my life. Maybe I can get somewhere and share my story with those who need it but first I have to get myself out of this and somewhere in life I can help people because I am just a success story waiting to happen… I don’t want to be a failure or depressed. A lot has weighed me down and this isn’t even all of it. Thanks, everyone…
P.s. I will use the money for my home and remain here. I have so much stuff I don’t want to go through that again. Also, I just don’t have the means to come up with the money and I’m trying but a little pocket change $20 here and there, or whatever I come up with isn’t enough and I could save if I didn’t have to spend on everything in life. I have 2,000 fines I’m behind on too and I just really need help. I have been through so much more than I shared and I just hope this all made sense to you and that the people who can and will genuinely help me do. Have a good night and life guys take care and since my grandma isn’t here with me anymore to pray for me.. will you? If you do that. Not sure anyone still does pray for me since she’s gone. :(