I have never heard of this place before or anything like it, but Today I googled begging for money as I am so beyond desperate now that I don’t know what’s left of a life if I can’t sort these things out.
I don’t know where to start. The idea of ever being able to rescue the situation has seemed so impossible that I’ve never even considered how I’d explain it to anyone else. The biggest money concern for me at the moment which requires the most immediate attention is that I need to pay £816 in fines to a court for driving without insurance, unbeknown to me when the incident occurred otherwise I truly would never have risked losing my transportation when I had already lost my home, my job as I was on maternity leave and my whole family due to a historical sexual assault allegation made about my grandparents that practically raised me and my two siblings who the allegations concerned. This is still ongoing, it’s false allegations that were made by my mother, who’s blamed my younger sister for everything that came out of her own mouth to the police. My whole support network was ripped out of my life. My partner who I genuinely thought I would spend my life with (even before we had our son) planned to propose to me on a holiday in June 2019, where it also became apparent that I was pregnant. What a beautiful collaboration of events for us. No, three days later, on the day he had told all of our friends at work (I had the same job as him, a manager in retail and I was GOOD at it. I was going places) I received screenshots from his ex partner with whom we’d just spent a year of hell going through court with as she bitterly stopped us and his family seeing his daughter, showing that the two of them had been seeing each other and sleeping together no later than one day after we were finally granted arrangement for contact with his daughter. My whole world shook. I had just found out that I was having our baby, which we didn’t think we were ever going to have without intervention due to my endometriosis. He’d changed his mind on the proposal too, obviously while he was busy being a person that I no longer knew at all with a woman who caused a whole family so much pain, I was monitoring him as he wanted to take his own life more than once throughout the process, which he had also paid £30,000 in legal fees to battle. (Not even counted for in my problems I’m posting here! If anything, I struggle to feel sympathetic for the debt – which by the way, he does have completely under control anyway good for him 😂). We were on a tenancy together with our home that we’d moved into together sept 2018, and I was absolutely lost, It ended up with me signing to come off the tenancy and spending 8 weeks of my pregnancy sofa surfing between my mums room in a friends house, and my sisters bed with her because at the time, my grandparents were still living with my brother (20) and sister (17) in a 2 bedroom house while they slept on their sofa bed downstairs. My siblings (excl brother 20 as he moved to our dads house years before when the domestic violence first happened) all were taken to care in 2018. Im the eldest of 7, the youngest being 18 years younger than me. I became mum when I was a child myself to my younger siblings, while trying to tear my step dad off of my mum and then the day after, my mum off of him too. I had 30% attendance in my last year of school and missed all of my mock GCSE exams because I was in and out of interviews with the police and social services when he nearly killed her one Christmas. I made sure They were all walked to school, and tried to wash their clothes, and Worried every day about how I was going to get five mouths fed, but none of those worries meant anything when anyway when it kicked off between mum and him and I just needed to get them all in a room locked away to hide while I went and tried to put out the fires between two coked up, drunk adults twice my size, with it nearly always resulting in one of them turning the whole thing on me and directing that wrath to hitting me instead. I was thrown out of the house by both of them once! I’d pissed myself with the fear of that because they both turned on me even though it was them taking chunks out of each other! The younger kids eventually got removed in 2018, the year I lost all contact with them, I was supporting my partner with his ex stopping him seeing his daughter. Honestly I don’t know why I’m still writing about this because it’s a mess and I don’t know whether I have even gone into detail about money!!
I’m 23 years old, and I had a baby last year in February 2020. My son looks at me like I am superwoman, like I don’t have any unlovable parts and like not either of my parents, or anyone else has ever loved me. I am in debt from credit that my mum has had put in my name over the years, and then the one salary loan I have actually in my name was to try and pay off the ones she had taken out in my name without any permission at all Ofcourse.so there’s that. I was earning £2000 before I left for maternity leave, to have my baby. I worked hard, I never thought I’d have the beautiful little boy I am so grateful to have, I was career driven and I knew what I wanted out of my life and I was going to get there. I really had a plan. I have debts of around £13,000 (that I know of, truthfully- I don’t know how much else she could’ve done with my name or whatever) I can’t get any credit at all from anywhere, I have just lost my car, I have fines to pay by the 17th March or action will be taken against me and I haven’t got anything where anyone could even recover it from anyway, anything I “have” is my sons. He is all I have, and to be honest with you, HE IS ALL I WANT.
I just want a fresh start. For me and him, and I want to be financially dependent for us both. I stand no chance of leaving the relationship with his dad despite how much it breaks my heart that he continues with whoever he wants to, and treats me like a maid in “HIS HOME” that he reminds me he can ask me to leave at any time as it’s him on the tenancy now, and has been since 2019 when I left. We’ve just been served notice from the landlord that we have to leave in the property, and I know that if I can’t come up with a miracle, he will leave me, go back to his family home with his mum, but he will take our son to spite me, because he’ll be happy to return me to the mud where I’m not able to get myself out of since giving up everything for our family, while his life hasn’t been disturbed by the new member to OUR family in the slightest, and he makes sure of telling me how that should NEVER happen to a person when they have a child, And on paper, what the hell do I have to offer him up against him? If that happens, I will Honestly, I have been through so much more than all of this but I’ve just spent the majority of my sons nap typing this, and I am just about to turn mum mode on, but this is my last desperate attempt, plea, anything. I need help, I am so scared of how it can get worse than this, but I don’t want to jinx it by saying “it can’t get worse” please.