First off I want to say, Thank you for even being on this site to help people in crappy situations. I am such a prideful person and have taken care of myself and everyone around me since I was 15. It is so hard for me to ask for help from anyone, so this is a big step for me. I am a disabled circus girl, I was told to stop doing aerial silks or I would be paralyzed by the time I am 30, that crushed me, as this is one thing that sets me free from all my stresses and allows me to express my creativity with beauty and strength. I spent the last almost 4 years caring for a man I love more than I could ever understand and his 15-year-old son. Since I became disabled, our relationship took a turn for the worst. He fell out of love with me and threw me away like garbage. When you are already mentally stricken by the hardship of not being able to work or even hold your head up for more than an hour, the depression really takes a toll. The one person that I needed to be there for me, pushed me away and left me all alone to figure this out for myself. I have not been able to afford any doctors since I got an MRI 3 years ago and found out my spine was really messed up. My neck has multiple herniated discs and one leaking into my C6 nerve root, causing issues with my body in all kinds of ways. I was still working at that time, but since then my condition has gotten so bad, I can hardly do anything around the house anymore. I now have to move out of my lost loves home and find somewhere to go with my puppy he got me for Valentine’s day. I need money for so many different things I don’t even know where to begin. I need to feed my dog, I need to put my furniture and belongings in storage, I need to find a new home, I desperately need to see a doctor to get treatment or medication for the many conditions I have (Anxiety, Depression, Chronic Inflammatory Disease, Fibromyalgia, Nerve damage etc.) It is a miracle that I have the will to even look forward to a future for myself, let alone try to do anything for myself. I want to get back on the road with the Circus where I belong and where I am happy and making good money, my body just will not be able to work hard 20 hours a day. I also have a 4-year college scholarship that expires in 2024, so I really want to start school and have a successful life. I have so many dreams I want to chase but I can’t even chase my dog down the street LOL. I have never had a loving family, I grew up with no father (even though he lived 5 mins away from me) and an abusive mother. And I lost all my friends during my relationship out of respect and because I was unable to go do things due to my condition. So I don’t really have anyone to turn to. I have tried SSI and other aides, I just don’t have the doctors proof or work credits needed to support my case, as I have been an independent contractor most of my life. I am just in such a deep hole and crap situation I don’t even know where to start, so I figured starting with getting treatment so I can use my body again would be a good idea. I’m not sure how all this works, I am just giving the summary of my situation and hardships hoping for a miracle. I have been battling suicidal thoughts all year long, feeling that my life is pointless just living to be miserable and worthless. With a broken heart and broken mind, somehow I find the will to live and keep going. I just hope its not just for more pain and suffering. At this point, anything will help, even $35 to order my dogs food. She is my only companion and only love I get in my life, so it would be devastating to give her up. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to my story and appreciate that you are even on this site to help people. It’s truly a blessing to still have giving people that care in this horrifying world. Thank you and Bless you all!
I welcome any emails of ideas that could help me in my situation or any uplifting support you have to offer for those days that I feel like giving up. Please don’t hesitate to contact me with these email@example.com – this is also my Paypal email if you feel like donating. Thank you for all your kindness and love!