I’ve lost everything….for helping somebody.
I am 35 and have been battling mental health issues since I can remember. My first time flat lining was at 12 when I was abandoned and put in the states foster care system due to behavior reflecting the neglect and abuse at home.
I’ve had no display of attention attentiveness or love from my parents since then…..or before.
I got pregnant when I was 17 by my dad’s coke dealer he pretty much sold me to a man that was 12 years my senior. Had my daughter and I was 18 just fresh out of foster care and me trying to relate to my father in older sister ended up with a needle in my arm and the syringe pushed by my own father. I ended up in prison for 5 years because I took charges for both of them who ended up leaving me in there never speaking to me…… In between that time I had another daughter so at this time I had two children they were very young as I was too…. At this point I had literally died by my own hand with just Tylenol PM for the third time.
When I got out of prison I never touched an opiate again I haven’t been in trouble in 13 years haven’t failed a drug test and had two more children and how history repeats itself but it’s completely different baffles me. There was a young girl who was on opiates I decided to try to help her give her Suboxone strips everyday to help her block that would be so she couldn’t die and she had a chance she got clean I went to jail and my children were the same age as they were 13 years ago. My nanny passed away and it’s the last time I have attempted but actually succeeded in my own death on her grave.
You asked my 5 year old who she prays to she’ll tell you God…. And if you ask her who’s God she’ll tell you he takes care of her heaven and yours. That is the mommy I am. About 4 years ago I started getting very sick lymph nodes swelling blacking out getting my brain drain fluid I found God I wanted to live for the first time but my doctor tells me when mine stops killing itself and my body started. There’s so much more I’m sure everyone has a story but people don’t make it through my story and I didn’t just remember that I couldn’t handle it five times….
I met a guy after being single for 4 years and just focusing on my kids my health and God. I thought he was everything but everything was a lie I went to jail for 2 months for this suboxone strip and I lost everything in was 2 months. He wasn’t paying a bill he was cheating lying and my child’s father agreed to give me my daughter right back as soon as I came home but that was a lie….. I haven’t seen my 2 year old daughter and 6 months I hyperventilate about five times a day I can’t work due to the grieving overwhelms me to the point of crippling. Her name is Faith Israel because faith is real isn’t it? Not for me right now I don’t have a dollar to my name it’s freezing outside I had to relinquish control of everything in my life I have no family no friends no help and all I want to do is keep my faith I get my 13-year-old daughter and my 5 year old on weekends when I can afford to get a hotel my car was stolen and crash with everything I owned in it it’s like there’s nothing that can go worse right? I just need somebody to have a little trust and faith in me if they can afford to give away something that I hate and something so needed at the same time please please help because as of right now I have no hope either. I cannot imagine my girls feeling the way I do about my mother and not being loved and neglecting and abandoning it’s not my intention I just don’t know how to even begin to start over like this… No I’m beautiful and I don’t have to struggle but I choose my struggle as a woman because I refuse to degrade disrespect or lose who I am by being fake stealing or using my body to get what I need.
I would be happy living in a camper trailer hotel I don’t care anything that has a roof in his warm and I can bring my children too… I need money to make money. Please help I hope God puts it in your heart to do so.