I’ve needed help for a long time, unsure of how or where to ask for it. It seems too good to be true that someone with a lot money would give some to a stranger, but I guess I would do the same if I were ever that fortunate (financially). I don’t know what would be an appropriate amount to ask for.
Background (please excuse the wants)…
I want for more independence in life, and to not feel like such a failure. I used to be independent and a hard worker. I had my own rented accommodation and was in a good place. Unfortunately; when money troubles started, I borrowed from anywhere to keep my rent and bills covered. Losing my home was not an option. But the debt grew and when it hit £11,000+ in 2013, it was time to leave my home and move back in with my parents. My mental health deteriorated and I became unemployed. For a couple of years I tried to get back to that independence, working any jobs I could (which would only ever be temp jobs on zero hour contracts and the like) but in 2015 it all hit the fan. I came out of a relationship, I lost my job again, and my mental health went to new levels. Since 2015, it has manifested and I’ve been unable to form any kind of relationship, my social circle is null. I’ve become this agoraphobic recluse whose lost all faith and purpose in this world. I don’t seem to have ambition in life like I used to. No dreams, well realistic ones. (‘The Dream’ is to buy an area of land, build a miniature 2 bedroom castle-style home and turn the surrounding land from an empty expanse to a planted forest and lake escape).
I wish I could be better than this. The Dream, ok it’s unrealistic and I need to live in ‘reality’, but even the simplest of achievements seem to be just as difficult to accomplish. I want so badly to be able to have a career, a purpose, a standard income. With all my mental health troubles, the low self esteem, low confidence, doubts, trust issues, fear of judgement, philosophical thoughts on the construct of reality, existentialism, nihilism – how can I get a job when leaving the house causes shakes, palpitations and sweats. I just need help, if only to get help to buy clothes, it would be a BIG help. Or to see an optician and get the test and glasses I need. Or to get a new bed as I’m sleeping on the bed I was conceived on, which at over 32 years old isn’t good for my back. Or to see a dentist about a cracked tooth I have. Everything I own is torn, old and worn out. I can’t even go for a walk because of my ripped clothes. I need some help from somewhere. My parents are both retired and my mum cares for my grandmother who also lives with us. Maybe i’d ask them for help if I were younger, but I’m 32, I should be taking care of them now, not the other way around.
I’ve tried asking the government for help but I’m just given numbers for budgeting and money advice services. I’ve known tons of people throughout my life who have been unable to work but can get accommodation from their counsel. Whenever I try I just hit a wall and come to the realisation that I’m only going to get out of this if i get a job. But then that brings me back to my predicament.
If you’ve read this then Thank You for your time.
Sorry if I’ve over/under-shared but my social cues/protocols are ‘off’ (or just not what they used to be).