Hello. Is there anybody out there?
I can’t believe I am writing this, hopelessly asking for help, but there does not seem to be any other way. There is nothing left for me to sell, or that I can sell in the hope no one notices it missing.
Anyway, enough of the sob story. Shall I just get to the point of it and be honest with you? I just want this all to be over.
I have always been a grafter, I’m an intelligent woman and can hold her own. I am likeable and honest, I can be independent and can fix my own car, shed roof or pond pump to name a few tasks and I do most DIY jobs around the house. But at the end of the day I am still a woman. I am a hopeless romantic and I just want to be loved and adored. I can be the perfect wife, lover, cook and best friend.
I have gone from falling in love with taker after taker over the last 20 years, but I have survived them all.
I have lived on the breadline just to keep a roof over the head of one because the man I got involved with had children and needed to support them, so I became the main breadwinner. I thought it was important to support them too even if they were not my children. I only wanted love and affection in return from him.
When I met my husband, I couldn’t believe my luck. I had finally found someone who not only adored me, loved me, held the door open for me, took me for dinner, theatre, concerts and bought me flowers, I found someone who could support themselves. His children were all grown up and self sufficient and he owned his own house. I could be looked after for a change, but how wrong could I have been.
Getting to the point I am being both mentally and financially abused by my husband.
I work a full-time job, a part time job and I also keep the house, do all the cooking and all the repairs and DIY too because to him it is MY house. It is in MY name. It is MY responsibility.
He sold his house and banked all the proceeds. We were going to pay off a chunk of my mortgage and then add him on to it, but he has just banked it and makes me struggle hand to mouth every month while he is cash rich and debt free.
We used to have friends and fun. Not anymore. He procrastinates and then cancels at the last minute, so we don’t get invited now.
People keep telling me how lovely he is and how lucky I am, but it is all a front.
I do a lot of charity work too because I enjoy it and I am a caring person, but it is painful because I can raise money for charity but have no money of my own. All my money is sucked into the paying off the mortgage and bills as everything in my name. I have run up credit card debt too and the credit card agencies won’t help because of my husband’s financial situation.
They don’t care.
I also have epilepsy which I take medication for but recently I had another large seizure due the extra stress and pressure. I am having counselling and CBT, but this doesn’t help the financial situation.
My situation is getting worse because now I am housebound and have had to give up driving for a year so am having to be more dependent on him, but he uses this as a weapon and lets me down.
I need cash to lower my debts so I can clear my head and make a plan to move on and be free of him.
There are constant tears in my eyes and my smile has faded.
I’m exhausted and I am running on empty. I am battered and bruised and mentally scarred, I do not eat, and I do not sleep but I am hanging in there and trying not to lose myself completely.
I am sure I can reciprocate in some way as I am highly skilled.
Could someone help me please?