If I ever thought about what I will be doing in my 40’s I wouldn’t ever imagine that I would have be dealing with an addicted to C@k@ and covert narcissist personally partner.
I’ve changed my whole life when I was in my late 30’s because I was unhappy about my life in my own country.
I’ve left to go and follow my dreams to a bigger city and I’ve worked so hard to start all over again and succeed. During this time I’ve met my partner. He’s from the big metropoli I was living in.
At the begging it was a dream; we were so in love and we decided to move together for a new fresh start in another country.
It didn’t take too long for me to see that he had some personality issues, but I’m an empathetic person and I’ve chose to stay and to help and I would have ever imagined that people like him existed in this world.
The worse mistake of my life.
After 2 years he started with a really bad c@ke addiction. I mean, he used it sporadically, but in 2020 he started to use it almost 5 days per week.
Meanwhile, he lost 5 jobs and he has been home pretending to make money with trading for more than 2 years. But he had no strength for a job so stressful like trading, so he didn’t succeed.
Also he spends every cents he earns. No matter what.
I had to pay all the bills, included rent and food. More I work and more he takes from me. Also, he keep asking me for money and if I don’t give it to him, he gets mad at me.
I don’t even know how this could happen, but I kept being here and try to help just to realize – after reading a tons of books and attending Al-Anon meeting for partner of addicted, that I was just enabling him and
I was being a victim of abuse.
I was shocked; how this could happen to me? A strong, independent, generous and empathic woman?
Abusive can hit everyone. That’s what I’ve learnt from this experience and I’m willing to work on myself so that this won’t happen ever again.
He owns me now more than 20.000 euros and he won’t never give me them back or leave the house we both rented together, because he renovated it – that’s what he always says – that he spent money and effort for it and that I can go to hell.
Every time a try to say that I’m done with his abuse, his rage comes out and it is so scary. I’m alone with no family here and only colleagues as friends but they can’t help me out and also, I’m so proud and so ashamed that I don’t want to share with nobody the fact that I’m a victim of abuse.
Last time that he got mad at me (for no reasons, only in his sick mind) he started to throw things, slamming and punching doors and walls and calling me names.
It was the 28th of April at 5am. I was on the floor, crouched and begging him to stop because I was scared. But he didn’t!
He didn’t stop.
He never hit me, but his fury was so scary and he’d been drinking and using drugs for hours, so I made the best decision and in 10 seconds I put a dress on, my boots, my coat, grabbed my bag and left.
I was running, I didn’t know where to go.
I was so scared! I saw the devil in his eyes.
I booked an hotel room far away from where I live because here everything is too expensive. I finally got into my hotel Room at 12pm.I was exhausted and I believe that I’ve never cried so much like that day in my life.
His abuse continued with horrible messages and calling me multiple times. Then I’ve blocked him everywhere.
At some point I had to unblock him because my colleague texted me that he was at the mall where I work and I was afraid he would have down some stupid thing and embarrassing me at my work place.
Probably when the effect of the alcohol and drugs had finished and he gained back some sort of mental clarity, he realized what he had done and then he started to beg for forgiveness.
Before that he threat suicide multiple times. But the most shocking and abusive thing he did that day was sending me a video where he was cutting his arm.
I had to go back, I had no place to go and no money to spend for another night in a hotel. When I got home I realized he ripped my clothes and broken some of the products I use on mu kit for my work.
He was devastated and sorry, but I’ve learned that these kind of person are never sorry and it’s all about manipulation. He promised to change (funny only to hear it) and to give him a month. I’m here, because I have no place to go and only debts left. And he didn’t change.
At the shelter in the country I live they have no place for me; they have much more terrible case of women with children and no job.
I have a job, but I can’t cover my debts and get a studio on my own because we live in a really expensive country and no one gives rent a house to a person with no money and debts.
Also, I truly believe he’s now seeing someone else. I wish I could just leave with no drama, I wish I hadn’t give him so much money, I wish I had been much more clever, I wish I could heal from all of this abuse, because I don’t believe I can do so.
I’m 46, I wanted a child so much but I couldn’t have it because of a healthy problem. I’m now in an abusive relationship with a crazy man, in a foreign country and no one to ask for help or that I feel comfortable to ask for help.
The only thing I’ve left is my job, but I’m so depressed that I can barely stand up in the morning and I’m so afraid that I will loose my job and throw my career into the bin.
I don’t even know why I’m writing down this here in this website, I don’t know what I expect from it. I’m just really desperate and so ashamed to be in this horrible position at my age.
I come from a really judgmental family, where weakness are not allowed and I felt lonely my entire life. Probably they why I ended up with him. I felt he was like me good soul that needed just love. But it wasn’t the case.
I’m a real person, not scam, and if some of you would like to help but is in doubt about this, I can share with you my real identity, speak with you and give you proof of my situation. I’m just trying to protect my privacy here not showing my real picture and my real name. But I exist and this is my terribile story.
Thanks for who would like to help me out to get out from this nightmare.
My PayPal Link: https://paypal.me/lilyrosesmith76?country.x=GB&locale.x=en_GB