I am here to plead for help from others, however undeserving I may feel, to pay off the debt which is ruining my life and affecting the lives of those around me, specifically my two beautiful children.
I have made many mistakes in my life, as I believe you are meant to, but this is a mistake I’m struggling to cope with;
A few years ago, after splitting with the kid’s mum, I fell into a depressed state and ended up weakly falling for the wrong person. As time went on I’d stupidly signed her debt over to my name, naively thinking we were in it together. Things quickly went sour. She became violent and abusive, and spent a lot of time with other men. Every time I tried to leave she would beat me. I was weak and scared. To cut this long story short, I managed to escape the relationship albeit shaken and mentally weak.
I was left with her debt. A few years have passed now and I have a good job and my mind is healing, but the debt is still crippling. I live payday to payday and literally have nothing in the back halfway in between because of the repayments. I’ve ended up taking out more debt to pay for arrears in bills to keep a roof over my head. All of this is tolerable. What isn’t, to me, is the fact that I havent been able to give my kids things they want, take them places they want to go, experience things they want to experience and that I want them to experience.
This is the most painful thing for me. Feeling like my kids deserve better than me as a father. As a kid until presently, I’ve focused my life around making my own dad proud, and it has been a deep source of both pain and focus. Through my own weakness I have brought this all upon myself and have tried so hard to keep on top and make a dent in the debt, but it seems impossible.
I’m asking for help because I don’t know what else to do, I’m so sick of feeling this, helpless and useless. I really feel despicable. Lowest of the low. And worst of all, undeserving of my beautiful, intelligent, innocent kids.
I’m sorry if you’ve read all this. I hope someone can help me, and if not, thankyou for your time.