Hi everyone thank you for taking your time out to read my story. I’m not really sure where to start. My name is Rachel. I am a full time mommy of 3, a wife and caregiver! I have 3 beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 3. They are my world, my reason, my everything! They are the main reason I’m reaching out for your help! Which I appreciate greatly! I live and have always lived in a tiny town smack dab in the middle of the USA. My parents also grew up here. Besides my babies and my husband. My mom and dad are my world. Well a big part of my world came crashing down about 7 years ago almost! It’s been a steady decline in certain areas since then! In 2011 I got the devastating news of my father who was in his early 50’s was diagnosed with dementia later on to be fully diagnosed with FTD (Frontal temporal dementia). Along with his diagnosis came a trickle effect of unfortunate circumstances! My dad was the financial rock for our family. Shorty after his diagnosis he was unable to work and drive. My mom picked up overtime to try to make up for it. She would work from 5-6 am to 10-11 pm everyday but Sunday only because they were closed. I at the time was working at a salon. I got my cosmetologist license in 2011. Well with the diagnosis of dementia my dad started to decline to the point of needing 24hr supervision. Which led to me ultimately giving up my career doing hair. I was the only one who could stop working and still have insurance thanks to my moms insurance. Started to become very forgetful of basically what was going on. He also very sadly became violent. I have been a Daddy’s girl since day 1! He was the most fun loving, playful, dad imaginable. Don’t get me wrong. We have never had money but childhood was so fun and memorable thanks to my amazing dad! Well not too long after my dad’s diagnosis my best friend, most favorite person I. The world died November 1st 2012. At the same time my grandma died we lost my childhood home to a foreclosure. My mom tried and I tried but the waiting period for my dad to get his disability was detrimental. So the crazy thing is. The day my grandma died I was in my childhood home by the time we had her funeral I was living in an apartment. I never grieved her the right way and I’m still paying for it. Well fast forward about 1 year to November 13th 2013 the day my life changed forever. I welcomed my brand new baby girl!! With welcoming my brand new baby came the crazy world I never ever thought I would be apart of the NICU!! My sweet baby came 7 weeks early being born at 33 weeks gestation exactly. Thanks to me failing her. I ended up with serve preeclampsia. They let her bake as long as they could before they induced me. Getting me to go into labor was a little difficult so I got 2 rounds of all the medicines. Everything went pretty smooth other then the epidural didn’t work that well. Well she was born @3:39 pm. I got to hold her tiny hand for a second before she was taken off to the NICU. Well @ about 8:30 pm I got to go see my baby for about 10 minutes! She was so tiny 3lbs and cute!! Well they wheeled me back to my room and got me all settled. About 30 minutes later i noticed I started to bleed a little heavier. Being a first time mom I was like I think this is norma. Thanks to my boyfriend at the time now husbands gut instinct to get the nurse he ultimately saves my life. I was actually starting to hemorrhage! I had every nurse in my room! It was the most indescribable feeling the world. I guess putter body like. It felt like slow motion and HD vision. There was one nurse up by my head checking vitals, another trying to get an IV ready for a blood transfusion, another nurse in the phone to the doctor. Another one stabbing me I. The leg with some kind of medicine to hopefully help. I have 2 other nurses at my feet collecting blood and weighing on the baby scale. I remember how they all worked well together but I could definitely feel the nervousness in the room. My husband standing by my side. Trying to keep me calm, rubbing my head, and he just kept saying it’s ok! It’s ok! Then the weirdest feeling in the world came. My grandma!! I could feel her next to me!! I knew she was in my room at the very moment and at that moment I looked at my husband and said I’m going to die! Well I didn’t instead the medicine shot into my leg started to work!! It stopped the bleeding!! I remember after it was all said and done I called my mom. I said I’m fine I just wanted to let you know I started to bleed but everything is good! She was at home asleep. She had basically been at the hospital for 7 days with me. So she was still half asleep and said do you need me to come up and I told her no it’s ok. Well the next day the actual Doctor made her appearance. By then my mom was back at the hospital. She walked in an said man did you have them nurses scared you were going to bleed to death last night. At this point my mom nor my husband realized the extent of the situation. We all cried at that point. I said well grandma came to save me not take me!! I went and seen my beautiful baby a little later! She was doing so good! She did have to have an iv for her first day or two I believe. I remember walking in the day and seeing this huge iv in the forehead of my sweet baby! Pretty devastating to see! Then they decided she needed a pic line instead because she kept pulling them out! That was nerve wrecking as well. After a couple of weeks of trying to regulate blood sugars and everything she kept moving up in the NICU milestones. After exactly 30 days she was released! With a few extra goodies like a heart monitor. Eventually all of that got better! Going through that as a new mom was extremely hard though on me emotionally. While she was still in the NICU they decided to put me on anti depressant to help with all the new emotions. Well that medicine ended up causing more harm then good. I eventually stopped taking it and just tried to deal with it on my own. Which for the most part was ok. Well fast forward a little I’m now home with my baby and dad. I was doing hair a couple days a week when my mom her husband was off to stay with my dad. Well in the hair industry it’s either go big or go home basically!! Well then my husband got this phone call. A phone call we have been dying for!! A great job opportunity considering no college and our location and good jobs are few and far between! I remember we were standing there talking about how this is it we are finally going to be set! Well so I thought. I though wow we can finally do this. You work full time, I will work full time and we can afford daycare finally and it actually be worth it money wise. Then my husband straight up said wait no we can’t. I said why not?? Then he said the words “Your dad” Slapped straight back to reality! See I have a brother but he wasn’t able to sacrifice his life and his wife well we she is a, well we just won’t get into that one! Anyways fast forward a little further. Mind you my dad is steadily declining as time goes on. Which came with more violent tendencies and lots of other stuff that goes along with the dementia nightmare. Anyways here we are and it’s November again this time it’s 2015. I’m talking to my husband on the phone and I remember saying. Les I’m not gonna lie and I know this sounds crazy and I’m not even late but I’m pregnant! I could just tell!! Well I was right! Right and shocked. Not going to lie I’m still trying to figure how this happened. I know what causes it but still thought I was preventing it. Wrong!! Well fast forward a few weeks. I am miserable! My belly was already getting big then I started feeling the baby! I told my mom this baby is huge I have definitely got to be further along. Some how my ob and her nurse practitioner both failed to get my first six week sonogram. So here I am at my 20 wk anatomy scan. I remember telling the technician I think I’m further along then we really think. I said I feel this baby in my ribs but on my bladder at the same time! Well she is doing her thing scanning my tummy looking at my new sweet baby who was a girl!!! Right when she is saying it’s a girl!! I said yay!! Is there just one baby or is she just and then boom another little head pops up on the screen. The technician literally jumped a little and said “ope” midwestern saying! I hit huge eyes and literally said OhSHIT!! I look over and my husband is smiling ear to ear! Then we find out Baby B is Boy!! Well being a previous NICU mom all my fears and PTSD from my first pregnancy all came back and with full force. My depression had basically settled for the most part! Except for my dad!! I am always sad about that! So everything is going ok! I’m seeing specialists and making sure I take all the right test needed to keep the twins safe! My stress level though is still through the rough! Then here it comes!! My mom basically called a family meeting to inform us she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. Another devastating blow to the family. So during my pregnancy we would both have appointments at the same hospital. I would drop her off and help her get all set up for treatment then I would waddle my way over for my stress test and what not for the babies!! Still crazy to me! Well fast forward to now!! I know this has been long and if you’ve read this far thank you!! Here I am on here asking you for help??? We have been trying to get everything straight and worked out for us. It’s been a rough year to say the least. We have had to place my dad into a nursing home which has been so hard on everyone!! I never thought this is where we would be !! I didn’t realize such anger and violence came with dementia but it does! Just since my dad’s diagnosis he has been physical with my mom at least 4 times, me twice and my husband once! The last time he got violent was with my mom with a soy itching triggering him. I tried to pull him off of my mom and couldn’t. Mind you he was in the army and also very physically fit compared to my mom whom has arthritis all over her body, has had to a total knee replacement and has cancer. Now imagine being beat by the man you have lived your entire adult life and to have on top of you pounding his fist into you. Or how about being 4, 2 and 2 seeing your papa beat the crap out of your granny and your mom screaming for help and calling 9911 trying her hardest to pull him off! Or see the cops show ups guns drawn at your papa and taken into police custody. He was not charged due to the unusual circumstances. Thankfully that would have made him progress. Even though my dad has done that. My family all knows he would have never done so other wise. I was never even spanked by him as a child. This disease is the devil!! So we had no other choice for our safety and his. Right now we are working on my husband and I’s credit though. So we can get a house ASAP!! We have been wasting our money renting. It has to be big enough for our family my mom and his parents his dad is sick with severe epilepsy. Right now I live across from my grandmas old house and it kills me! I see this whole new family making memories there and I just want to pull into her driveway and show off my babies!! I have paid off most creditors but 2. One of which needs disputed! We are in need of money!! We have both taken credit cards out and are paying them back but they are just expensive. I also have student loans. We are also in need of a newer car it has to have 3rd row though due to 3 kids and a mom who is currently taking chemo treatment again and my dad’s neurologist appointments that are in the next state over. I have a car it’s just seems to be going out. I’m trying to get ahead and every time I try I feel like I fail harder then the last!! My depression is full force back and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I am trying a new medicine and I’m seeking help. I checked myself in once for in patient therapy and it that backfired bad! Last week though I went to a get help again!! Depression is definitely a tough war To be battling and sometimes I feel like I’m loosing!! I know I’m not alone in this dark world of depression, anxiety, dementia and cancer!! It just feels like I’m really super stuck in a situation I don’t want to be stuck in it anymore! I know money doesn’t buy happiness but it pays for bills which when are paid on time and in full helps create peace and less stress! Thank you for all of your support!! I am forever grateful to whom that has taken their time to read this entire post. I could have made it short and sweet but I’m just trying to be hones! I’m trying to build an honest and safe life for my children! I have been poor since birth and I’m just over it!! I want better for my children! They deserve it!! I’m trying I’m just having no luck!! I don’t want to be stuck in this quick sand hole!! I thank you so much for your kindness!! Bless you all!