I can’t believe I’m actually doing something like this since I try so hard not to have to ask for help and handle everything on my own. But now I’m reaching desperation and a possible mental breakdown if I do not get out out my current situation. I’m 54 years old and married to my 4th husband. Over the years I’ve always picked the wrong people that tend to control my life and everything I do. I lost my car in July for being 77 days late after I paid 5 years of payments. So I have to rely on others to take me places and I work from home currently. I have no friends or family that can assist me with letting me stay with them since my mother passed in 2020. She was all I had. Even my daughter is at odds with me due to her unhealthy relationship and my own. I’ve suffered with my mental health as long as I can remember and also had my first heart attack 9 yrs ago. So I live in a situation where I have no emotional support, and have realized I’m only here to serve whatever purposes that benefits him. He drinks too much and is extremely narcissist and has adhd. I’m constantly walking on eggshells afraid to even say a word when he’s home because it may set him off on a hour long rant. I am not in danger and he has never hit me but he is constantly critiquing or criticizing anything I do, opinions I have, political views, the world or whatever he doesn’t agree with he’s always right. Only shows any affection when half drunk, which I don’t want and controls everyone and everything in this house. If i cook a good meal, which is rare, he wont be in the mood for what i cooked or critiques how he could make it better and will then cook something only for himself. Hince why i dont want to cook and dont much even though I use to love it. If I don’t get out of this situation asap, I don’t know what I’ll do. Therapy is out cause he’s against it and he constantly talks about having a sister wife and commenting on other women he thinks is hot on tv or in public like im not even there. And im always the one at fault for any argument or why he feels the way he does. It’s the holidays now, which I use to love, now I just feel dread. He likes to decorate. I use to til he turned it into a chore with him micromanageing and getting anry when its not done right, calling me stupid or retarded which are his favorites. He has to be in control of everything. So you see that this is not a healthy place for someone with health and mental health isses. And yes I knew how he was before we married, and i know that i did this to myself, I just hoped it would get better. We married in June and he threatened divorce 2 weeks after and then at least once a week since. His kids only tolerate him for holidays and my daughter wants nothing to do with him. He’s just an ugly person inside and can just be plain mean. I don’t want to live the remainder of my time on earth in constant distress and pain. I just want peace and to be able to continue this life and become self sufficient. Maybe start writing or start that hobby I’ve been wanting to do. Just anything other than this.
But the good news is I do have a job and can pay bills but I have nothing saved and my credit isn’t great. That’s why I need help. And anything will do. I don’t want to put a dollar amount on anything, but I will say I need enough to set up a new home for myself that I can live out how ever many years I have left. I’m not worried about a vehicle at the moment since I really don’t like going out much anyway and theres uber and delivery services. I’ve always wanted a little cottage in the woods, or a tiny house just for me and my little dog, but I just need enough for a nice apartment or house deposit and first month, utilities deposits, maybe a bit of furniture I’ll need, or household items. I guess if i had to put a dollar amount, it would probably be around $3000 to $5000. All I ask, is please don’t try to scam me or ask to date me. This is humiliating enough and I can not handle anymore heartache. Whoever sees this, I just want out of my living hell and live my own life so I can rediscover myself, reconnect with my family and friends and try to be a better person for everyone. Thank you in advance for your consideration.
From; Humbly desperate