Never in a million years did I think that I would be here… doing this… I’ve had a wonderful life and I can’t thank the people around me enough for being there for me and supporting me. My life really took a turn about 2 years ago. I had just finished my third year of college, barely scraping by. I was already on academic probation the first semester of that year and was on it again the second semester. Per my university’s standards, I was going to be asked to leave and not come back for an entire year. I knew that I had this coming. I’m a very smart woman and always have been, but depression and anxiety have always ruled my life since I can remember. I don’t know how to deal with things and feelings the same way that other people do. Quite frankly I probably have more along the lines of bipolar depression. When I’m happy, I’m over the moon. But when I’m sad or anxious about something, the world comes crashing down. All of those emotions that I had been hiding so that I could continue coasting in happy land have surfaced and reality comes into play. I’ve never been medicated and don’t even know where I would start. I’ve thought about therapy or counseling, but I grew up in a household where those things were not necessarily frowned upon, but more or less just something that wasn’t normal. Going to therapy or counseling to talk about what I was feeling meant that there was something wrong with me. I have a lot of pride and would never want my family to see me as weak. They had and will always have the highest of expectations of me. I know what you’re thinking, this girl is a prissy privileged little thing. But what most people don’t know is that I struggled a lot and made many mistakes that made me the person I am today. Would I change anything? No. Would it be nice if I had a little less debt hanging over my head? Absolutely.
Fast forward to now: I left university and the only life I knew to move halfway across the country to be closer to my family that had moved while I was in school. I had zero direction after I quit school and thought that being closer to my family would be a good thing. At first I was welcomed with open arms. As time went on, those arms started to close, and not in a good way. It was hard to explain to my family what I had been going through while I was away at school. I just couldn’t put it into words and the more I tried to express those feelings, the more I got anxious and couldn’t do it. Needless to say, there was a rather large falling out and I had to move out. I had supported myself through university and at one point had 3 jobs just to be able to afford rent since student housing was ridiculously expensive. The amount of debt I accrued was beyond what I could have ever imagined. There was no savings in my bank account and I was lucky if I didn’t overdraft. Today, I’m working a full-time position and barely making ends meet. I’m looking for better paying jobs so that I can do more than make ends meet and start chipping away at my debt. In the meantime, I need help now more than ever. I’m on the verge of losing my car, my only means of transportation to and from work. I had to take out a high interest loan just to be able to get myself to this job. I also have creditors calling me every day asking where the money is that I had borrowed when I was in school. I know that I bit off more than I can chew. I know that I made a mistake and put myself in debt. I can’t wait for things to finally turn around so I can live my life and actually start to enjoy it again. To the stranger reading this, thanks for listening at the very least. Anything you can give will go to a good cause. God bless.