Currently, I am on my last leg of hope with this site. I no longer know what to do. Depression has sunk into my core. I do try my best to wake up and actually look to the positive things in my life, but all the problems in my life have compounded to a point where I am no longer able to support myself and my partner. I have lost my job to a younger and more attractive counterpart, my Wife (understandably) is at her wit’s end, I have no connections, no family, no friends, and I am sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of debt. I get up every morning with the weight of the world on my chest, the pain of grief and frustration barreling through my head like the world’s worst headache. When I wake up the question on my mind is always, “How can you fix this?”, “How are you going to continue living in this world?”… I don’t know what to do anymore, I apply every day for a new position, but as every day passes that I’m not bringing in income those bills and financial obligations keep growing and growing. I have already lost my phone, and several utilities have been shut off, within days I will lose my house, my car, and most likely my wife… Suicide is always an unwanted thought, but its always there. Hovering over me, saying do it… no one will miss you, no one will care, the world will be a better place when you’re gone. Despite this, I still have the will to live… I still want to provide for her… I know things can get better… but looking up from this darkness, the light of hope becomes fainter… then fainter, then fainter….. I don’t know what else to do other than ask for an angel to bless me… to save my life.
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