I’m a 50 year old woman on Disabiliy for Spinal and Feramital Stenosis and Bipolar. I have been a single mom off and on for most of my adult life, having endured being the wife of an addict for 7 out of 10 years with my last husband. He did pills and crack while I raised our 2 boys, took care of our home, did the shopping and worked two jobs while going to college. I’ve been married to a man for 15 years that I recently discovered is a narcissist (which explains a lot) and realize that all the questions about myself and my worth have just been purposeful to control me. All the mind games and gaslighting were to keep me unbalanced and confused. I can finally see that I’ve been used and manipulated for years. I am a care giver personality, raised to always put others first (which is probably why he chose me.) I have given up so much of myself to live in his world that I don’t even know who I am now. I finally understand that I am worthy of love and understanding, that I’m not crazy and that I will never be free to make my own choices, be independent (as opposed to being co-dependent) or be able to be completly me as long as I am here. I am angry, resentful, confused and anxious most of the time. My blood pressure is spiked on a regular basis; my stomach in knots. Most days I cry silently in my closet. I live in northern Maine(away from everyone I know) in a house that we bought cheep cause it needed work. We have borrowed against it twice since we’ve been here. It was only suppose to take a year but it has been four years now and work has all but stopped(probably on purpose to keep me sucluded)(always reasons or excusses why we have to stay). I would like to move back to where my kids and support system are. I just want freedom and peace. Normally I would crumble in a break up, crying, even in my sleep for months at a time, begging God every second of the day to take me. (I know cause I’ve had 5 nervice breakdowns in my life) The darkness swallows you whole. If you have Bipolar or know anyone who has it I know you understand this. I want out of the lions den. I have the right meds, a therapist and spinal doctors lined up in Waterville where my boys are and I have the courage now to break free, I can make it. I have a plan to leave(which I never had before). I have people to help with moving(and making sure I can take the rest of my stuff), good friends that are a God send to support me. I am Strong, Wise and Powerful now. I will rise, stand tall and hold my head high. I will grieve normally and move on. I will start my life anew. I will rise from the ashes. I can’t wait to get to know the new me! I need $5,000-$10,000 would be enough to get me out, first, last, security, furniture and supplies to move in(sheets, towels, appliances, food ect… plus get my Jeep fixed. Thank you so much for your donation, you’ll never know what this means to me.
https://www.paypal.me/rhondamccutcheon1
cash.app/$rhondakrich
Checks can be mailed to :
25 Old County Rd. #4
Fairfield, ME 04937