In late 2019 I lost the love of my life to suicide. We had been together for 10 years and married for 4 years. I had a, then, one year old and also a 17 year old daughter from a previous marriage that he raised as his own when her biological father faded away into his new family.
I’ve worked full time most of my adult life. There was a period where I also worked a part time job until I was promoted to area supervisor at my permanent place of employment. Which I then decided to go back to school full time to get my bachelor’s degree, taking classes before and after work 4 days a week. I’m no stranger to knowing what I want, devising a plan to get where I want to be and then successfully executing that plan.
In 2017 my husband, 40, and myself, 36, discussed having a baby and agreed that I would take a break in my career and focus on growing our family.
As I stated previously, we lost him in 2019 to depression. He had an older sibling who had committed suicide years prior which my husband felt responsible for, no matter how hard I tried to explain to him that he was not. Which ultimately led to him developing his own psychological demons that he had to face every day.
Since I had a one year old, hadn’t worked in almost 3 years, and absolutely no family of my own to look to for any kind of support, I decided to take our savings and start my own “make ready” business. For those not familiar with the term, “make ready” means to take a home that a family or person had just moved out of and make it ready for the next person or family to move into, whether it’s sale or for rent. I go in and clean the house or apartment, make a list of repairs needed, make the minor repairs myself and hire a contractor to do larger repairs if necessary. Living in a city attached to a large military installation with military families PCSing (permanent change of station) every day, I knew there was a lucrative market for the services my business would provide. However, I really made money servicing homes vacant due to recent evictions.
Two months and one worldwide pandemic later, CDC has issued a halt on evictions (moratorium), that would later be extended for over a years time now, and understandably so.
In January of 2020, underestimating COVID-19 and the havoc that would soon entail, I opened for business. March 2020 was the last month I broke even. By May of 2020 my business had lost all income but I refused to let my dream die.
I took everything I had left and decided to pay my rent for the next 12 months. I thought for sure that I had planned for enough time for everything to bounce back to normal.
Here I am 14 months later, 2 months late on rent and facing eviction of my own. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have all the answers and that is a very humbling experience at 39 years old.
I took out a loan against my only source of transportation to help cover unexpected expenses this year. I realize it was then that I should have went with my gut feeling instead of listening to my heart.
It’s devastating when you lose someone so close to you, literally lose the other half of your soul, and overnight with no warning.
I have spent the last two and a half years desperately trying to get back home to a home that no longer exists. That’s the only way I know how to describe my life since he left.
I’m trying my best to find my new normal while raising a two year old and jumping back into the workforce after a four year hiatus.
I’m asking for help to get a new desktop computer, dual monitors, and a headset so that I can get back to full time work. Being gainfully employed I will be able to cover future living expenses and hopefully work to pay down debt I incurred on my rent for July and August as well as the loan I took out on my vehicle.
Because my nineteen year old is away at college several states away and already worries about what she THINKS she knows about my situation, I have left my request as anonymous as possible without leaving out key points. I can, and will gladly, produce proof including legal paperwork as supporting evidence upon request.
I am extremely appreciative of any and all resources whether it be time spent reading my request, advice for my situation, a prayer, or monetary donation. I believe that although we may not all have the same resources to offer at a time of need, we all have something beneficial we can offer we can offer in that time of need.
Thank you for reading my story.