h Im Amanda. I consider myself a strong, determined, and at times stubborn woman, to be honest. I, like many, had a rough life. I grew up around addiction, abuse, etc. The neighborhood was considered a rough one, the ghetto, really. But those experiences taught me lessons and shaped my thinking, which, unfortunately also put the belief that people typically don’t care what others are enduring, as long as they arent involved.
I have been on my own since I was 16. The circumstances at home and other issues made it my best choice. I was more than capable of taking care of myself. You learn pretty quick you have to do whats necessary to accomplish this. Ive been with an empty stomache many times. I had apartment, three jobs and I worked to care for my son. I took the city bus if i had the fare, otherwise I walked. I dealt with domestic abuse from his father so I moved. I also didnt want my son to live in the rough city we were, which was, and still is, my home.
Several years, and three more kids. I have a two daughters another son. I was still confident I could take care of them. I was still very independent, driven, and I wasnt worried they would grow up as I did. I worked all the time, sometimes not seeing them much. But I knew they would be okay.
My entire life changed on 7/6/2008. A drunk driver hit me head on in car. The damage was severe, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Both ankles were crushed, multiple pelvis fractures, broken tail bone, pubic bone, hip. I have screws supporting my ankles, hip and pelvis has two bilateral screws from hip to hip. I was hopitalized three months. Bedridden several more. I forced myself to learn to walk after my mom passed away of cancer-less than a month after diagnosis. It took so much away; my independence, my freedom to a point, having to ask for help with basic things. I had no self respect, and still sometimes push myself too hard because I am still stubborn and refuse to quite until i have at least tried.
Everyday I endure agony. I have been stresses, all the time since. I cant work more hours or another job if its tight. I was taught how to juggle bills and necessities by priority living in a very low income home, so I have been doing that best I could. The juggling has seemed to catch up. The most important necessities have either gotten too far behind or I just have no way to take care of it. I believe in karma, good energy. So Im hoping some of the good karma and energy will come when I most need it.
My car is in process of being repossessed soon if I cant take care of it. Which, Ive lived without a car before, but things are so much different. I CANT walk to where i need to go, I live in a rural area so anywhere is beyond impossible. I dont have anyone to take me and the kids where we need to go; dr appointments, groceries,etc. The previous month has been all I could pay on lights for a long while, but its caught up and it cant go over three months without being cut. Then, the kids. They need school clothes, supplies, etc. There used to be programs that helped but funding is scarse from what i was told. The mobile home we live in is falling apart, literally. The bathroom floor finally let go just two days ago.
I have never been comfortable asking for help, with anything. But, after everything life has taught me, sometimes we just have to let humility lead pride. My kids are the most important thing, the only thing that keeps me even trying. I have always done whatever it takes to raise them. Now, Im asking others for an incredible act of kindness.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my life. It was actually therapeutic getting it out.