The semester is in full swing and I am officially living off of of a credit card. I am quickly racking up debt and find it difficult to find employment because of my social problems and busy schedule. Without the card I would essentially be starving. I am already malnourished and notice my body weight dropping each time I put on my favorite jeans. Often times a bag of chips and a soda from the vending machines will be breakfast or dinner to save money. I probably consume around 1,300 calories a day. I have a very demanding major (biochemistry) and find it very difficult to make it passed the interview stage of getting a job, even for fast food places due to awkwardness. I have had to go without textbooks for some of my classes and rely on my few friends to send me pictures of theirs. I work in an organic chemistry lab but I am not paid for this as I really want to get experience for graduate school applications. My internship is the one thing right now that gives me a sense of purpose, without it I would just be drifting through life. If I tried to juggle this, a part time job, and my classes I would likely not pass. 3/4 of my classes are 400 level science courses that require a lot of time and effort. I would hate to quit my internship in the organic lab, because research is far more interesting than working in a restaurant where I would likely be complained about often and let go (I had one woman write a long winded negative yelp review about me where she included a picture).
My goal is to become a medicinal chemist. I have had mental health problems throughout my life and was put on Zoloft at age nine. I want to go into anti-depressant,anti-anxiety, or anti-psychotic research as science still has a lot to learn about how drugs interact with the brain. I had enough money to last me the rest of the semester but I lent it to a trusted friend and she stole it. I have yet to see any of the money and have confronted her multiple times. My financial situation is worsening my already poor mental health and I have contemplated suicide. I keep telling myself that there is more to learn about the world so I keep at it hoping I can better society through science. Organic chemistry is the only thing that motivates me to get up and deal with a very noisy and hostile world and I don’t want to give it up. The picture below is the molecule my boss is concerned with. I feel strange begging for money on the internet, as money makes the world go around for most, but I really would appreciate the help. Perhaps one day I will see someone in a similar situation and give them what you have given me. I am not asking for much, just about 200 dollars to last me the rest of the semester for food. Thank you.