I just want to start off by saying I’m sorry. I am usually hard headed and never ask anyone for help, I work hard to earn everything I can but right now I am stuck and I am failing. Hi, I’m Jeremy. I turned 21 in January this year, yay big 21 exciting for most I know, but for me not so much. I don’t drink or really go out for that matter. Anyway, I have been very blessed in life. I am for the most part physically healthy and I am forever thankful for that. Funny enough most of the struggles in my life started in 2012. Up until then I remember enjoying everything with no worries as a kid just having fun other than growing up without a dad. I believe it all started when I got jumped on the basketball court, things got physical I got hit a lot in the back of my head I dont remember. Ever since that incident, to most it seems normal teenagers will be teenagers boys fight etc. I have been scarred. I received my first panic attack shortly after and I have been fearing impending doom ever since. I honestly have no way of explaining my anxiety other than impending doom, imminent danger, or feeling like I have no control of my body. It is the worst feeling in the world, and now the only thing I fear. At least it has taught me to only fear my own mind. From that day on any extraordinarily bad event that happened, normally I would be able to deal with was a total wreck for me. February of 2013 our house burned down and it destroyed me. Moving around, being homeless, living out of hotels left my mom, sister, and I in shambles. Normally I would man up and take care of the family in a situation like this but I felt hopeless. My anxiety was through the roof. I barely finished 9th grade with good grades but terrible attendance. I’m intelligent, there is just a mental block always trying to stop me. Anxiety. The summer after grade 9 we decided to move from BC (Canada) to Arizona. My mom was originally from USA. It was a huge move but I found hope finally. At the start the atmosphere was more positive but starting high school and knowing no one increased my anxiety. Being in a new country everything education wise was different and I struggled to adapt to the change. That and having no friends of course you guessed it increased my anxiety. It became a horrible cycle. Miss school because of anxiety -> create more anxiety -> cause to miss school -> create more anxiety and so on the cycle continued spiraling until I could not take it and dropped out. I have a few months of severe depression, not wanting to live anymore, it was all a blur. With the help of my mom, I “financed” a cheap car with 0 down and the promise to make the payments. This car gave me a new sense of security knowing I could use it to escape or leave any anxious situation I found myself in, usually being a crowd etc. Not realizing our citizenship/student visa applications were still in process (not eligible to work) and having no job I couldn’t make the payments and they took the car. I have tried so hard to find work here. I worked an under the table job at a wood-yard where they locked us in with no water or toilet paper forced to work 10 hour days at 10$ an hour was torture. I couldn’t last more than a few days there. Flash forward to now, just got off the phone with USCIS, more bad news. 20-22 more months to finish processing my, and my sisters application. My sister is turning 19 in June, a 26 year old guy knocked her up last year and she gave birth to her son, my nephew January 28th this year. I adore him with all my heart. All I want to do is help my family, protect them, put food on the table, but my status is not allowing me to find anyway to do so. I am doing better with anxiety every day and working on it, but its so hard I wish I could afford a counselor to help me more, maybe it would make me stronger to work that impossible cash job at the wood-yard. My mom supports us barely, her car has been repossessed once already and the lights and water randomly get shut off at times. I just want to help. I don’t know what else I can do. I wonder if going back to Canada alone and sending them money would help. There’s a few other very detrimental things that have happened but I have never told a single soul about them I just don’t feel okay discussing them. I’m sorry. I feel like I have failed. I found this website with my long journey of searches trying to figure out any possible way I can make money. I assure you I am trying my absolute best to earn my way in this hard world. If anyone is fortunate enough to help me my family and I will forever be thankful. I understand not everyone can help, if you could help us by just saying a prayer that everything will be okay, I would appreciate that more than the world. I know there has to be hope out there. If you read this, thank you for spending your time listening to my story. I know ill change it to be successful one day. My story is not over. With hope, Jeremy.