I’ve always struggled financially. Every attempt to do things the right way, or dig myself out of the hole I’ve found myself in, result in falling deeper and deeper. No criminal record. Never committed a crime. Well, speeding here and there. Paid every ticket in full and on time. Never done a drug. I rarely drink and I’ve only been drunk 2 or 3 times in my 40yrs. I never cheat on my taxes and always opt to give more upfront. I’ve never owed on my taxes until the health insurance penalty went into effect. I’m typing all of this to give a clear picture of how I ended up in this situation.
I was aimless after graduating high school. My father pressured me to either find a job or go to college. I was strongly steered towards a technical trade school. Received a grant and loan in my name. I was recruited under false pretenses. I was not being trained for the career I was promised. After missing a few classes due to family emergencies, I dropped out. I decided to get a job and save money, then enroll in a different school that actually offered the career training I desired. My first debt was born.
While working my first real job, I opened my first checking account. I attempted to order my mom a dvd set for her birthday that year. Showing off my newfound financial stability. There was false advertising and instead of the initial set of DVDs, I was being charged for an entire series of shipments. I was immediately slammed with consecutive over drafts fees. The bank only waved one fee. I couldn’t afford to keep depositing checks while the overdrafts fees were growing. Debt number two.
I couldn’t open another account at a different bank without paying a deposit, so I cashed all of my checks at corner stores and eventually Walmart. My girlfriend at the time became pregnant. I left my first job for one with better pay and guaranteed hours. I was hired for this job by a former supervisor. Her district manager was looking for a reason to fire her. So by association, I was being harrassed. My daughter’s mom had a rough delivery. C-section, adverse reaction to anesthesia, trouble walking and keeping her balance. We knew she would need help caring for our daughter once she was released from the hospital. So I quit the job which made it clear that termination was in my immediate future.
While trying to get my old job back, a decision was made for me to stay home with the baby. Her mom made a lot more money than I could. She had almost ten years in, great benefits. It would help us more if she returned to work and I raised the baby. What was supposed to be a temporary break from work turned into almost three years at home raising my daughter. We all lived at my parent’s home. My daughter’s mom eventually became frustrated living with my parents and moved out. I wanted her to wait until I found a job so I could move in with her and help support our family. She was very bitter by this point and held a grudge against me. Telling everyone that I was choosing to stay unemployed because I was lazy. Her impulsiveness landed her back in debt as she had racked up a daycare bill that she couldn’t afford. Her only option was to ask me not to work and take care of our daughter a while longer.
In the time that I raised my daughter, I didn’t draw unemployment. My family grew frustrated and hardly helped out with things I needed like food and toiletries and clothing. When they made me believe that they viewed feeding my daughter in the same way as they viewed me, I had no choice but to file for government food assistance. Once I began to receive benefits, my daughter’s mom demanded half. Her reason was that I couldn’t contribute to our child financially, and that I owed her. This began my eternal debt to her.
A job opportunity came up after my daughter was placed in a different daycare. A traveling job that was listed as part time but ended up requiring more commitment than any full time job. This job became my field. My first attempt at having a career. I was able to recover a bit financially, pay for things my daughter needed and give her mom some money. It wasn’t the best job, but the travel pay made it worth it. I would be out of town for weeks at a time, typically only being home on the weekends. My brother ruined the transmission in my first car after my child was born. Another car had problems and had to be sold.
The overall benefit of this job was that I could be picked up from and dropped off at home in the company van. Eventually, I became the van driver, which meant I could take the vehicle home with me. For years, I had a no expense vehicle. I used it to pick my daughter up, buy groceries. I didn’t do anything excessive because the company supplied the gas.
The downside of this particular industry is that it has an off season. Rather, work is extremely lean and only certain people will have working hours. I was unprepared the first year. Went that winter without money. Same thing the next winter, but I finally broke down and filed unemployment. I was able to stay on top of my expenses, but not able to save very much money. I had gotten a few promotions and pay increases though. When you add in the “free” vehicle, it was enough to keep me invested. Plus I was really good at my job. I felt accomplished and respected.
That all changed when a certain supervisor was promoted to manager. I’ll just say she is very selective with her employee preferences. A lot of people good people were fired or quit because of the way she conducted business and because of how she chose certain employees to receive opportunities over others. Once deciding that she nolonger favored me, I was left at home for months. Not on the schedule, passed over for hours and opportunities. Situations where they needed drivers, the opted to make the salary supervisors drive instead to save money. I complained, received no reply. Tried to use my paid time off to cushion the financial blow, was met with resistance. I had finally had enough and I quit. Turned in my two week notice to my immediate supervisor and the operations manager. The operations manager’s only reply was to turn in my gas card and drop the van off. After five years off faithful employment. After missing birthdays and field trips and funerals and just making enough to pay my bills. She didn’t even realize that I hadn’t had the work van for three weeks at that point. The operations manager didn’t know where her van was.
So I quit. There were complications with my unemployment. A few weeks where I had to wait for payments that I couldn’t afford to miss. I had also applied for food assistance for the second time. Because of the fact that I was receiving around $215 a week for unemployment, my food allowance was reduced about $40 a month. Right then and there, I decided to never rely on government assistance ever again. It wouldn’t last long, but the intent was there.
I applied for a lot of jobs in that time after I quit. No one would call, I was never offered an interview. It was extremely frustrating. I received a call from my supervisor asking me to come back. I declined. He said he absolutely needed me to drive and to operate the laptop. To be nice, I said I’d fill out the paperwork, but I’m still looking for something else. After a few weeks of not picking up the application while fervently seeking new employment, I was notified by that supervisor that I didn’t need to fill out anything. I was told that I was still employed and I could just show up. Now, i don’t have any proof because no one that I applied to actually called me back, but i believe this to be the reason i couldn’t get hired. I spent months telling companies that i was unemployed and free to start immediately. My company used this tactic intentionally. It’s an industry where it’s difficult to find “good” employees. I always showed up, followed the rules, was of good moral character. They knew that they would need me back when the normal season picked up. I wouldn’t put it past them to sabotage me anytime another company contacted them to ask about my employment. With no other options, I returned to work.
At the time of my resignation, I had begun fixing my credit. I got a credit card for the purpose of paying it off timely. A few loans that I would occasionally borrow from and pay on time. I was almost in the seven hundreds when my manager took me off the schedule. So when I came back to work, I had the debt of that credit card and a few loan companies. Instead of saving money and fixing my credit, I spent that year paying off debt. I was absolutely going to make that year my last in the industry altogether. At the end of the year, the company was purchased by a rival. All employees were offered the opportunity to keep their jobs, receive pay increases, and have their employment histories carried over. I myself was promoted to an official supervisor, not just in responsibility, and promised more time working locally in between traveling.
This new company seemed more professional on the surface. There were certainly more hours. Mostly because of their strategy to add more accounts than they have the staff to cover. Because there was a decrease in travel, even though I was making more per hour, I made less money overall. Still in debt. Still living check to check. Still using loan money to pay back loan money. Still using the company van as a personal vehicle.
In October of that year(2018), there was a really bad fire at my family’s home. I was away at the time. The garage that had my brother and my aunt’s cars in it burned almost to the ground. Fire spread from the main support beam across the center of the house, only being halted by the brick fireplace. Everything in the storage room was reduced to ash and smoldering plastic. Everything from my brother’s room to the living room was lost to water damage and the ceiling collapsing. The ceiling collapsed on in the office. My daughter’s room and my own suffered heavy smoke and water damage, but most of our things were retrievable. No one was hurt. We did loose two vehicles, heat damage on one. The entire garage and all of my father’s tools that he had amassed over decades of being an auto mechanic. Everything my brother owned save what he had in his closet. Considering how bad it could’ve been, we were extremely fortunate.
My family were already going through an extremely tough time. My mom was sick. Very bad swelling in her legs. To the point that she could no longer walk. Being mostly bed ridden and rarely leaving the house sped up her dementia. She had a lot of strokes that doctors could never diagnose. She was a two time cancer survivor. Breast cancer and a brain tumor. After her second bout with cancer, she had to retire. Vertigo had set in. She’d lose her balance and equilibrium. Fell constantly. Doctors couldn’t diagnose that either. Because of the safety risk and liability at her job, and her declining cognition, she was fired from the job that she had held for decades. Long before I was born. She absolutely needed 24hr care very shortly after being terminated. My father, well past the age of retirement, who had already been retired for almost two decades due to a heart condition, had no choice but to keep working. Fixing cars, cutting grass, light plumbing and other household fixes. He worked his whole life, never stayed still, always available to help family and neighbors. He’d often fix cars and only charge for parts, or barter for the cost of repairs when people couldn’t pay cash. The family’s debt as a whole began when my father attempted to get into real estate. The housing market crash, renting to those he wanted to help rather than those who could afford it, forced him to keep working in order to pay bills. We owned the house I grew up in at the time that we moved into our current home. When everything went upside down, we lost it and every home he had managed to purchase. At over 70yrs old, he should’ve been able to retire comfortably a long time ago. Dementia was starting to catch up with him also. He had a few strokes by this point. Staying busy kept him young though.
The day of the fire, a fast talking ambulance chaser showed up. He talked my father into hiring his company to act as liaison with the insurance company. My father was absolutely taken advantage of. I wasn’t home, my brother was overwhelmed with the aftermath and seeing about my mother. This man inserted himself into the process and made sure that his restoration company did the repairs. Out of frustration with his interference, our mortgage company handed our account over to a partner or subsidiary company. When I first met him, he assured me that we’d only be out of our home for six months. There were plans for us to go in, retrieve what we could, box everything up. The boxes would be put into storage pods while repairs were being done. He gave us a small window to get our things together as work would start almost immediately. So my brother and I took off from work, spent a few days sifting through the damage and packing up everything that was burned or wet or irreparably smoke damaged. It was very cold as several places in the ceiling were exposed and the heat was turned off. We both ended up sick from the fumes in the house but nothing serious. Nothing serious that we’re aware of at least. Anything that we couldn’t box up that we wanted to keep, we were told to place blue masking tape on it. His crew would box those items themselves and make sure that they ended up in the pods.
No storage pods were ordered, everything sat in the remains of the living room for weeks. Work had not started. Almost a month after the fire, a crew showed up to knock down what was left of the garage. My brother and I were in the kitchen. We had come over to see what work had been done if any. The workers knocked the garage over on top of the only riding mower to survive the fire unscathed. They didn’t c store check the surroundings at all. A few more weeks after that, no work had started. Extremely frustrating because we had time to secure more items from the house. I made a gofund me ad seeking help. Anything that we got from the salvation army was long gone. Payments from the insurance company were going to the restoration company. I only managed to raise a little over $200. Our first relocation was a hotel. A lot of money went to restaurants and laundry. After weeks at the hotel, we were moved to an extended stay.
Because I once again was without a company van, my father and I bought a used car. A 2009 Nissan. It was great at first. Bought it during the day. Didn’t realize one of the headlights were out. Also surmised that it had been in an unreported front end collision because the headlights are incapable of being angled forward in a way that they light the road ahead properly. Electrical things started failing one after another. The major mechanical concern is what appeared to be a transmission issue. It would lose power on any incline surface, forwards or reverse, and would often get stuck if I didn’t have momentum built up. Say I had to stop at a red light while driving slightly uphill. My car could not pull itself up that surface. I had trouble going in reverse. Made the mistake of parking on a slight down slope. I had to keep switching from reverse to drive until I had it turned at an angle that it could accelerate out of. Luckily there were no cars next to me. There air also went out shortly after purchase. After buying the car, there was no money for repairs.
Back at the house, we discovered that storage were nolonger the plan as everything we had boxed up had been shoved into one room of the house. Whole rooms that were unaffected by the fire, were emptied out into a giant trash bin in the drive way. Things that were clearly trash, thrown into a corner with they “keep” boxes. We were deeply apologized to and reassured that everything was on course. More weeks went by with little to no work being done. We discovered that the workers had been leaving doors unlocked to “save time” as only a few foremen had the keys. We were promised that wouldn’t happen again. We then discovered some of our stuff had been stolen. TVs, DVD players, computer equipment, some game consoles and accessories. The restoration company owner promised that he had his list of items and that he’d personally make sure everything gets replaced.
Around February we were told that the extended stay was too expensive and that we’d have to be relocated again to a temporary residence. Once there, we had to deal with things like the house being partially furnished. The promised ground floor bedroom for my mother didn’t exist. Utilities were being cut off because previous tenants had outstanding bills. We had to prove that we lived there and transfer services to our name. What was supposed to be a six month job had us out of our home for over a year. The insurance money was absolutely milked. They extended the repair time to the point that they had to pay two months of rent for the home we were in. Once we were allowed to move back in, the signs that they rushed to throw the house back together were very apparent. Requested work like grounded outlets didn’t get done. Ceilings didn’t meet the walls correctly. Cheap paint was used. It tears and marks very easily. A few electrical outlets didn’t work. Water leaked from one of the bathrooms. The shower in my parent’s bathroom didn’t have cold water. Doors and windows didn’t line up correctly, allowing air and bugs passage inside. Things like outlets and light switch covers were screwed in hastily, warped and cracked in some cases. The entire kitchen floor was left unfinished. A kind of clear coat was supposed to be painted over the rough surface. It’s extremely hard to clean and gets dirty extremely fast. A half bathroom on the lower level was never reassembled. At one point, the workers cracked the sink. So they left the sink and toilet in the yard. There were no air conditioning units on site when we moved back in(Feb 2020). We were told that they would be delivered by request once the temperature and weather conditions were right for proper calibration. After a heatwave and several delays getting the two units hooked up, we realized that the only return vent for the unit on the upper had been covered over with drywall. This caused a rift between the contractor and the hvac company. Both claimed the other responsible. That was the last time we had service from the hvac company because they’ve refused to come back out. Even though the units are still under warranty. We currently are without air conditioning on one side of the house, and unsure if the heat will be operational when winter comes. Several calls have been placed regarding all concerns with only promises that someone will show up.
After a lot of complaints to the restoration company and the contractor, they promised to pay out of pocket for, and to implement repairs to the house. Took full responsibility. To this date, only a few minor repairs have been completed. They too refuse to show up now.
In March of 2020, right as quarantine began, my mom passed away. Planning her services was our first introduction to covid restrictions as only ten people were allowed to attend. This was incredibly devastating. The entire household fell into a state of depression that we have not recovered from.
At my job, the manager with a bias against, and who was responsible for me quitting, was promoted to district manager. I had an opportunity to work for Amazon. The manager from my office was being promoted to district manager. He begged me to only work Amazon part time because he needed me at his new office. I loved my job. It wasn’t the best. It didn’t compensate me fairly. It took advantage of my time and my effort. It’s what I was good at though. I almost had 10yrs in at this point. So I agreed. For a while it was great. I hurt my knee while working at Amazon. Nothing that they’re directly responsible for. I was let go because I didn’t recover in time. So I devoted my time to the new office. The corrupt manager made a power play with the new regional manager. They forced my manager out of his position. In stead of working under her, he quit. She was then given three districts, including the one I worked for. She was once again my boss and proceeded to my time at work a nightmare. I had finally been given my own account. I had my own crew to care for. Depression over my home life made me pour my all into what was now my career. I went above and beyond my position in my efforts to deliver quality service to my client. I was working hard, doing some of the best work I had ever done. This was in direct opposition to my district manager who sabotaged all of my efforts through either negligence, spitefulness, or a combination both. The account was ruined beyond my ability to repair it. Even though everyone knew she was responsible, and she had failed several other big money accounts, she was key to a lot of accounts. Big money accounts that made her untouchable. Or at the most very difficult to replace. The same couldn’t be said for me. All of the blame was placed on my shoulders. I was almost terminated. They decided in stead that I shouldn’t be allowed to run events anymore. All of this was a surprise to me. The meeting that I was waiting for so I could plead my case had come and gone. It was months before a different manager told me what the verdict was. I was broken. After everything I had given. Again, a company completely turned it’s back on me. I was still a supervisor in title. I couldn’t run events anymore, wasn’t given driving opportunities. She even tried to finish me off by throwing me into a few events unprepared. Before she could fire me herself, she was demoted and narrowly missed termination. I was reassigned to a different office. I nolonger had my account. She had run off most of my crew. My new manager knew about everything that had happened but never stepped in on my behalf. I was told that now is the time to prove them wrong by giving it my all. I almost laughed in his face. Now?! Now is the time?!
Still denied actual supervisor responsibilities, I demoted myself. I decided to be a regular worker instead of a glorified worker. There was a conspiracy about my pay that had frustrated me to no end. I lost a dollar when we were absorbed in 2017. Everyone from the region manager, district manager, area manager and below knew of this issue. There were conversations and strategies about how to compensate me for my lost wages. Everything fell through. I lost track of it myself until my last few months working for the corrupt manager. The company reduced the starting pay in the office. This also reduced the pay of established employees who had received raise. I lost another dollar. I once again brought up that the company owed me money. This time, no one spoke up. No one responded. I was assassinated once again.
So when covid hit, and my mom passed, my father also fell apart. The strain and stress of everything from the fire and my mom and the state of our finances was too much. His dementia set in almost overnight. Now he couldn’t be left home alone because he was a danger to himself. My daughter also had to do virtual school because of quarantine. I decided to work very sparingly to be close to them. My brother moved his ex girlfriend in to help take care of my mom and dad. I thought my brother was on top of a lot of things. He is older, he was already familiar with the finances. I assumed that he and his ex were taking care of my dad while I was at work. Through taking less hours, I discovered that they were almost doing nothing. My dad was washing his own clothes in the sink after having accidents and then hanging them in the closet. He’d get confused and place his clothes every. He’d sometimes put dirty clothes back on. I hate to admit this, but we’ve had problems with bed bugs. They returned in his room because of his dirty sheets and clothes. His bathroom wasn’t being cleaned. He has two sets of partial teeth. One top, one bottom. He cracked the top one. My brother and his ex couldn’t figure out what to feed him now that he couldn’t chew properly. His health insurance lapsed, so he couldn’t see his primary or the dentist. No chores were being done around the house either. When I pressed my brother to ask his ex to do more, she stated that their arrangement was for her to help with my mom and that she isn’t obligated to help with my father. She herself is an invalid. She can barely move around because she’s broken both of her ankles several times. She has stress induced seizures that she isn’t properly medicated for. She has dementia herself. Claims that she has no concept of night and day, sleep heavily and randomly, very forgetful, has violent outbursts, gets sick at least once a month, drinks daily and chain smokes. She doesn’t work. Spends all of her days sleeping smoking and watching videos on her phone with the speaker turned all the way up. She does cook. Entirely too much. Every space we have for storing food, she’s monopolized it. Doesn’t believe in leftovers. Cooks a new meal every single day. Large meals that could feed an entire family, but she only cooks for her son and my brother. Everything gets shoved in the refrigerator, never to be eaten again. Hundreds of dollars worth of food is thrown away weekly because of her alone. Even uncooked food. She forgets what she has, or doesn’t want to dig through the freezer, so she’ll run to the store almost every day for meal items. She doesn’t cover her food up, doesn’t clean up when she’s done, doesn’t put the food away. If no one ever comes behind her after she’s done in the kitchen, food and dishes could sit out for a whole week. She’s the only option I have for someone to watch my dad.
I didn’t have a choice. My job let me go because I didn’t work enough. Which is fine. I absolutely needed to be home taking care of my dad. I found health coverage for him, got him in to see his new primary physician, scheduled nurses and therapists to come by and help rehabilitate him, ordered new clothes and organized his dresser drawers, cleaned his bathroom with my brother’s help. I have been the sole meal provider. I took it upon myself to find meals that he could eat, give him a variety, and get his diet back on track. His cardiologist has blood monitoring equipment that we’re responsible because he’s on blood thinners. A nurse was coming by every week to check his blood. He told me that he wasn’t supposed to keep coming by, and that one of us was supposed to take over a year ago. When I asked who was supposed to do the testing, he said my brother’s girlfriend. So I told him to show me how to do it. I’ve been testing his blood for him ever since.
I promised I wouldn’t use government assistance again but with no income I had to apply for another ebt card. I can’t file for unemployment. They claimed that I filed an extra week when I started working for Amazon and failed to report the wages. In order to receive unemployment, I have to first pay them the amount they claim is owed. I can’t pay them anything because I need them to give me money in the first place.
I’m coming up on a year of being unemployed. I didn’t intend for it to last this long. My plan was to get my car fixed so I can drive uber or Lyft. Possibly deliver for instacart. Something I could do when I have time to do it, and hurry back if my dad needs me. I was told about a mechanic who would check my car out and cut me a deal. Like the way my dad used to operate. I borrowed money to get my air conditioning fan fixed. A few weeks later, the compressor went out. Then I was told that my transmission is going out. I got a flat while driving my dad to the dentist. There are a lot of problems that I couldn’t afford to pay full price for. This mechanic assured me that I would be taken care of. I was relieved to hear that it wasn’t my transmission. He said he just needed to drain the transmission fluid and flush the system. The bad news is he discovered that my cv half shafts are almost. Once they’re completely worn out, the wheels won’t move. I could only afford to have the compressor and transmission worked on. It was supposed to take a few days. He ended up keeping my car for a few weeks. Had to reschedule appointments for my dad and daughter. I let him keep working on it because we were approaching a financial crisis. Between those repairs, the plumbing work we had done, my dad’s dentures, an unknown money transfer, the mortgage, the car insurance, and regular expenses, all in one month, the house checking account was almost depleted. I don’t have any money. At all. My brother lives check to check. I don’t know what his exes finances are, but she isn’t contributing anything significant. I needed my car fixed so I could start generating money again. To put back into the house, take care of my daughter. Take care of myself.
I finally got the car back. I told him I couldn’t afford to pay much more than the original quote. He added more anyway because he claimed that he had to do more work than expected. We discussed the half shafts, he said I’m lucky they haven’t locked up already. I’m basically driving a time bomb until it’s repaired. I owed him money from the quote increase, plus money for the half shaft work when I bring the car back. He stayed in contact with me daily about the money I owed him and when I was bringing the car back. My brother and his ex handle the mail. I had been asking my brother to give me the bank statements so I could figure out where the money was disappearing to. For months he claimed there weren’t any. He finally gave me one. I was reading it while texting the mechanic. I found out that the first payment I gave him was double charged. He asked for $500 up front so he could purchase parts. I gave him $425 when I picked the car up. I still owed him $130. He wanted $220 for the half shaft repair. When he swiped my card initially, he claimed that something went wrong and swiped it again. I knew there was going to be something wrong when he did that. So in total, he’s already been paid $1425. He’s overpaid. When I brought it to his attention, he stopped talking and replying. The last I had heard from him was that he had to finish a few other cars first. I also discovered that since he installed new lines for the compressor and ac system, my windshield wipers no longer work. I’m driving on borrowed time, have to avoid days when it might rain, which is really bad now that fall is here, and I can’t afford to have anyone else look at it.
We had an alarm system installed a few months before the fire. I wasn’t around for that or the fire, so it was never on my mind. No one notified the alarm company that there was a fire, we no longer have service, and that we didn’t live at the residence for more than a year. I’m not sure if anyone is supposed to notify them. It seems like if they’re monitoring your home, they’d notice a fire that’s immediately followed by a power outage and lack of feedback from a system that’s supposed to send them signals. Because I hadn’t seen a bank statement until june of this year, I didn’t realize that we had been continually paying the alarm company uninterrupted. From the fall of 2018 to this very day, they have been paid their monthly fee faithfully. We desperately needed cameras to monitor my dad indoors, plus there have been a few thefts in the neighborhood. Being able to monitor my dad on my phone was another piece of the puzzle that I needed to go back to work. So I called the company. Said that we’re still paying for service even though we haven’t had service in over two years. I told them about the fire. I requested that we continue with service since they’re being paid already, and ordered cameras, a control panel and new door sensors. They had to reschedule twice, so I was awarded a free install. Technicians arrived, installed everything, and left. I immediately got a phone call from the company asking how I wanted to pay for the service. I said we’re already paying you. I explained the whole story again, the guy said ok. Few weeks later, the same guy calls asking for a payment. I reminded him that we’ve spoken already, and repeated the entire story. A few weeks go by. A woman calls. Same thing. Then I get an invoice in the mail. Then an email asking for an e-verify. So I contact customer service. They inform me that I have a past due balance. I tell them that’s impossible because I have up to five statements in front of me at the time, and they all have payments going to the company. I’m then told that a task force is being assembled to resolve the situation. I hear nothing for a week or two. Then another invoice. I reach out. I’m told that when I ordered the equipment, a new account was made. We have two accounts with the same company operating concurrently. When I asked if they can stop payments on the original account, they said they cannot because we have a contract. I then threatened terminate services and request a refund for the time that we didn’t have service. I’m told that I have to produce reports proving that there was a fire, and a report from the insurance company. I have to pay for the fire report with a check or money order. The mortgage company can’t reveal anything to me because I’m not authorized. So I have to get my father’s signature on something declaring that I have access to this information. My dad has lost almost all dexterity in his fingers, can barely speak enough to be heard in person, and is struggling with his cognition. While I’m trying to solve this, we’re logged out of the cameras. When I call to ask why, I’m told it’s because we have a delinquent account. The leader of the “taskforce” finally sends another email saying that the new account is no more, but they need $164 dollars for equipment.
I typed so much. I’m sorry if anyone makes it to the end of this. There wasn’t any place that really made sense to start from. I need help. We’re depressed and defeated and broken. My brother has all but given up. I’m fighting despite the odds. These past few years have been the stuff of nightmares. The fire, work, the money, my mom, my dad. There’s still things I haven’t shared. I have a very precocious case of sciatica. I’ve been suffering with it for a decade now. I can’t stand for short amounts of time. Can’t walk certain distances on certain surfaces without my leg going numb. I can barely exercise. That knee injury I picked up plays a part in that also. Gained a lot of weight. I’ve always had severe allergies and sinus issues. I used to pop zyrtec like tic tacs. I had no choice. I was a driver and a supervisor. I couldn’t miss work under any circumstances. If I missed work, no one got to work or got paid. When I stopped working, I stopped taking the pills. That’s when I realized my body had become dependent on them. I now get severe and random itching all over my body.
All of this has happened in a matter of years. Some of it in a matter of months. The reason I wasn’t home during the fire is because I was staying at my girlfriend’s apartment. She was pregnant. Because of the shape of her uterus, and her bell’s palsy, and her extreme physical reaction to stress, the pregnancy almost killed her. She would have strokes and pass out anywhere. While she was walking. While she was talking. While she was driving. Her blood pressure was through the roof. During her episodes, it looked like her her was trying to jump out of her chest. One side of her body had to 75%, meaning she couldn’t support her own weight. I took care of her like I’m taking care of my dad now. I was her living crutch. I was terrified of losing her and the baby. The doctors suggested that they might have to terminate the pregnancy to save her. Because I suggested it as an option, and that we could try again, and that I didn’t want to loose her after only having her for a few months, she left me. She planned it. Moved out of state. Promised to come back. Promised I could be there when my first son was born. All lies. The last thing she said to me was that she needed me to sign papers stating that should something happen to her, I wave my paternal rights as his biological father. She wants her sister to raise him. They’re the only family he knows. Not me. Not his grandparents. His uncle. His big sister. She took all of that away. I’d be hurting him if I said no. She promised to bring him up so I could meet him. Another lie.
I’m not trying to portray myself as some kind of uber victim. I try so hard to do things the right way and keep my head up. Be a positive role model for my daughter. My mini me. She’s my everything. I don’t let a day go by without telling her or showing her that I love her. It kills me that she’s suffering because everything keeps falling apart. I need to get back on my feet. I need to start working again. I need to get my parents house together so my dad can be comfortable in his final days. Something we couldn’t give my mom. I don’t know how this works. I don’t even know what to ask for. I just need help. If I could just get my car fixed, and get the house checking account positive again, I promise I will take care of the rest.
Thank you thank you thank you for reading this. Thank you if you find it in your heart to give anything. I don’t share my pain and I don’t bare my soul like this.