Never in my life did I think that begging for money is something I would ever have to do, but here I am. Life is funny that way. Gives you challenges and obstacles you think are unsurpassable, but then you overcome them and are better for it. I am praying that is the case for me in my situation anyway.
I feel like I have been fighting nonstop my whole life. Nothing has even come easy for me, but I have been grateful for that because I thought it made me a stronger, better person that could get through anything thrown at me.
For the most part this was true. I have been on my own since I was 15. Put myself through college while raising my younger brother. I did all the things you were told to do, go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house and have kids. The American dream, ya know? Well I did all that, Yet here I am, 38 divorced, with a broken down car that I can’t afford to fix or replace which means I will lose my job and then be homeless with nothing to show for all the years of work and effort I put in. (except for my beautiful babies of course)
For the last 4 years. I fought to beat cancer with two small children to raise, I fought to save a marriage that ended due to the affairs my now ex-husband had while I was undergoing treatment, I fought to keep my car during the divorce, because my ex had his uncle for a lawyer and I could not afford one due to not working through chemo. I fought to keep my kids from the childhood I had due to divorce.
Some of my fights I have won (Cancer), others I did not even come close (protecting my kids from divorce) but until today I have been maintaining and holding it all together.
I hate being a victim, I hate asking for hand outs or any help at all. I have always worked for what I have and never relied on others. It is kind of who I am. Self-reliant, hard-working, fighter.
I just don’t have any more fight left in me. I am tired, and I can’t do it alone anymore. As I type this it brings me to tears because I am finally broken. I have no more fight in me.
This is not how I pictured my life and this is not what I have fought for all these years. I don’t even know how I got here. Maybe my karma from a past life or just dumb luck. Either way, I need help.
My 2001 Hyundai Elantra with 230,000 miles requires a new transmission but the cost to fix it is more than the car is worth.
I live in a very small town without public transportation and my job is just over 20 miles from my house, and the only grocery store is 30. Without a car me and my kids are stranded except for the school bus that picks them up and drops them off.
The two local mechanics are not willing to make payments for the repairs and I have not heard back from any of the other charity sites I have contacted. I am doing any and everything I can online from home to make extra money while keeping my morals, selling my clothes, surveys, and focus groups. I refuse to take my clothes off for money. If the day comes I am that desperate someone should just put me out of my misery please.
If someone could just loan me some money for a car, or fix mine or give me suggestions on what I can do to help myself I could work it off and pay you back. I just need to catch a break.
I still cannot believe I am looking for handouts right now. I am still crying because I know there are people that have it much worse than me, and it kills me to know I am meant to help other people not ask for help. Life is funny that way. You think you have it all planned until life slaps you right in the face with reality.