Dear God,
Why me? Why today? Have I not lived my life in honor? Have I not gave my all and left nothing for myself? Have I not sacrificed even blood, sweat, and tears?
The downfall started a few years ago. I left a very good job due to the fact I moved up and they weren’t doing things the correct, honorable way. I tried to take it head on. I lost. In a very close knit industry, That basically blackballed me everywhere I went, if they took me on, it was just to burn me all over again. Although it was never my passion to take on this industry. As it is a very dirty business, figuratively, and literally. The business rhymes with spoil and boil.
There was money involved but I opt to move away from it. Would go unemployed for a few weeks. Bills racked up. Rent constantly increasing. The economy was never moving in the direction of my financial situation. So I kept my head up and kept moving through life. Working any job. And even ranking up fast in some industries. Then I had an accident. Broke my neck. Fiancee left me. Then wrecked my vehicle. I kept my head up. I never changed. If I was down to my last $10 and I saw a homeless person I gave that and whatever else I could dig out of my car to help. Wish I could do more. I never let myself and my situations get in the way of giving all I have. I will be a naked person starving til my last breath in the middle of uncharted wooded area before I beg for help.
Time goes on. And I find myself in a career change. In the middle of this economy now. Where I just was getting back on my feet. Not completely fine but enough that I could finally get myself some time to rest. Get a good healthy cry in. To reflect on the obstacles of life that I have somehow overcame, when I remember many nights. Sleeping in a vehicle. No money for gas to get to work. Lying to people when they saw me. Never let anyone worry about me. True survivor. Going without, a lot. Being cold. Showering with a bug/weed sprayer. Dealing with ugly people. Evil people. Needing medical attention and just having to suck it up, even at a high pain tolerance.
But I’ve changed careers to my passion in the healthcare industry. I’m moving quite fast. I’m very far behind of where I wish I could be. This should’ve been my first option 10 years ago. Why I never pursued this until now, still boggles my mind.
But I’ve hit my wall to get to this changeover. I’m tapped out. Mostly everything has ran to collections except for the car. That’s going to be getting a repo run if I don’t get ahead of that loan. Insurance. The whole package is slipping through my fingers. But I don’t even have the gas money. And the gas price has me living on ramen again. Which is still a 5 star meal when you are hungry. And I am forever grateful and humble. But I really just need the gas money to get around. And some food money until I get these paychecks rolling in.