Hello my name is Fraser, I am 42 years old and only now is my life at a point where I would say it is starting, let me tell you a bit of back story to put this into perspective.
I grew up in a small village in Scotland where I learnt my trade of joinery (carpentry). I lived a quiet and modest life, always happy making enough money to get by on, just enough for myself and partner at the time and pay bills rent etc. The years kept ticking by not noticing my friends were all settling down and having kids and mortgages, it will happen for me too give it time I kept saying to myself but it never did. Had to have a back operation at 25 due to work accident, everything was fine and back to normal after a few months healing.
Last year I found myself alone having just came out of a 12 year relationship at the age of 41. Now I had no idea how to meet new people, I don’t drink and I am a reserved person so don’t socialise much. I ended up giving the online dating a go even just to talk to new people, well very soon I started talking to a lovely woman from Thailand who was in a very similar situation to myself (worked in an office all her life, no kids and wanted to start life and find love) so over that year I visited 3 times, met her parents and friends and saw a lot of Thailand and enjoyed life. This was it my life is on track and I now have something to work hard for and she also wanted to start a family like me, I was the happiest I had ever been.
That was until last Christmas when my back gave way and was told by doctors its just a normal sore back for someone your age but I couldn’t stand walk or work, this carried on for 4 month trying different medicines and slowly got better so I started work again for 2 weeks but it gave way again and I couldn’t walk yet again so this time thankfully it has got better a bit quicker but now due to so much time not working I am in so much debt and cant afford to start work again as I had to sell my van and a lot of my tools just to feed myself. Not to mention not seeing my beloved all this time other than on video, I never understood depression until all this happened, why now, why me, worst time for this to happen.
I have always been a proud person and stood on my own but now I cannot see anyway forward other than asking for help to get my life up and running again so I can get it started. I know that reading this it does not sound serious but for me its everything, I am 42 and feel like my life should be at this stage 20 years ago. Please help even a little is enough to get me started again.
Thankyou for even reading this, writing this down and knowing someone will read it helps a little.