I’ve been struggling for years now, I’ve wasted the better part of my teenage years. I’m 19 now, still haven’t got a license, still living at home. I (“got”) dropped out of school shortly before graduation because I couldn’t function in a class environment like everyone else. That’s one year ago now, my mental health has improved greatly, but if you saw me you’d still think I have nothing to show for it all. Which is true.
I want to be a novelist (cause who doesn’t?), I’ve known that since I was sixteen. When I was so close to saying goodbye to the world, but didn’t, I figured whatever is next, it’s a bonus on top of what I would have left with. Gratuity.
So here I am, holding down a minimum wage job hauling around chairs when I’m not getting all sorts of paper cuts working in the office. My plan is to get my license (3k) and buy an old Volvo station wagon (3k) and just go off into the world, meet new people, see the country, live small.
It’s not easy being autistic. First, I didn’t want to accept the diagnosis, but over time, seeing how people treat me, even my friends, it became obvious to me not only what’s “wrong” with me but how I got here, how I turned into everything I swore I’d never be. I’m a good person, the only person I’m not nice with is myself. In any case, that doesn’t change a thing. Actually I’m only still writing to crack the 400 word mark so I can post this. I hope I could convince you to help out. Without your donation, I wouldn’t be able to get on the road for another six months. And I don’t know how much longer I can do this job. It drains me. I’ve “wasted” a whole year already writing a novel that won’t sell. Good thing I saved the better outline for attempt no 2, cause last January I really didn’t write very well.
I know you don’t give a crap – oh, oversharing. Actually, if you find the right person it’s the best thing ever, just being honest and true. When you can just be yourself and not worry about how draining it is to put everything you want to do through this filter that is all you ever learned about how others behave, how you need to try and behave – no stimming for me is the hardest – and yeah, I don’t know where I’m going with this either. But that’s the thing. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. So if you feel like chipping in that would be very much appreciated.